My Jokes

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I took my mother-in-law out yesterday morning. Damn, I love being a sniper

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'i told my black friend a joke'' told him he needs to lighten up!!!

I asked my North Korean friend, "what's it like to live in North Korea?" He responded, "can't complain."

My arms are just a diffrent texture pack compared to my body.

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Why doesn't my egg wants to crack? Because I hate my egg-sistence.

When a family friend passed away, my granddaughter took her three-year-old son to visit the widow. As they approached the front door, she whispered to the boy, “Make sure to tell her how sorry you are.”

He whispered back, “Why? I didn’t kill him.”

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A German, an Australian, and a Mexican are on a plane. They say that they can tell where they are by sticking their hands out of the pane.

The German sticks his hand out and says "We are in Germany." The others ask, "How do you know," the German says, "Because it's so cold."

Then the Australian sticks his hand out and says "We are in Australia," the others ask "How do you know," he replies "Because it's so warm."

Then the Mexican sticks his hand out and back in. He says " We are in Mexico," the others ask "How do you know," he says " Because my watch is gone"

I got my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. He came back a week later and said it was the most violent book he’s ever read.

the teacher told me to put my MP3 away so i brought out my MP5, now that bitch knows what not to tell me

What did the lungs say to the cigar?? 'You take my breath away...'

I'm funny but sad I submit jokes you'll love. Look for my name in jokes you've read. Anyway.

What did the man with no hands get for his birthday? Gloves. Just kidding he didn't have the chance to open the gifts.

The Pope and Donald Trump are on stage in front of a huge crowd.

The Pope leaned towards Trump and said, “Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and for the rest of their lives whenever they speak of this day, they will rejoice!"

Trump replies, “I seriously doubt that. With one little wave of your hand? Show me!”

So the Pope slapped him.