My jokes

Unbelievable! When doctors touch my body, it’s alright, but if I do the same to some lady, apparently it’s "harassment!"

My friend that used to be married was making jokes about me being short. Then I told him, "Your marriage was so short it made me look like Shaquille O'Neal."

My name is Bishal Khan and I can't walk.

Wanna see my pp again?

Your mamma is so fat that she saved me a lot of money by sitting in my car when I wanted to buy a low rider.

I love my family.

My doctor said I could have up to 20 units a week. But now I've eaten half of my kitchen.

I just had the worst gig of my life! I told yo mama jokes at the orphanage.

My friend: How are you running so fast? You just had 10 hamburgers!

Me: It’s the 10 hamburgers that are making me run fast!

Wife: "Honey? What do you think about my teeth?"

Husband: "They remind me of stars... yellow and far apart."

I love my new phone.

My jokes are pretty "bone-arifick," if I say so myself. Hehhehe... Get it?

You know, having an uncle is a good thing sometimes! I get a pair of shoes every week. He says it’s my reward for playing the tickle game with him in his damp and dark basement. It hurts sometimes. But hey, new shoes!

I asked my wife if I was the only one she slept with. She said yes—the others were 7's and 8's.

I will always remember my grandpa's last words after robbing a bank: "Oh, shit! The pigs are catching up!" But the cops did not kill him; he drove full speed off a cliff.

My penis is so polite. It stands up so girls can sit down.

My last relationship ended because I didn’t open the car door for her. Instead, I just went to the top of the water.

Question: Why does my teenage brother wear a cape to bed?

Answer: Because he can't sleep in his race car bed...

What do a 14-year-old pregnant girl and the child inside her have in common?

Both are thinking, “Oh no! My mom’s gonna kill me!”

You might think that tigers or lions are the best jumpers, but in my opinion, it's emos, because some of them are still in the air.