My jokes

So, my mom was talking to me and told me to go to the store. When I get there, there’s a sign, but then someone tells me that’s just someone with a ginormous forehead.

Bestie Hannah heard that bestie Iz had a migraine! What did she do? She said, "My grains don’t hurt that much, at least not when the animals eat them!"

I'm so poor that when robbers break into my house,

they bring me things. <_>

I'll never forget my grampa's last words, "Stop shaking the ladder, you cunt!"

I suggested to my girlfriend that she would look sexier with her hair back.

Apparently, that’s insensitive to someone during chemo.

I wrote a few jokes:

What does a 15-year-old boy do without two hands when his parents are not at home? Well, obviously do not jerk off.

Yesterday a girl from my job invited me to her home and there I had crazy sex. I could not think that her mother is so hot.

What will happen the morning after the destruction of humanity? Duncan MacLeod makes himself breakfast.

How do you call a cop?

Through the phone.

(My puns are bad)

Are you a rope? Cause I'm tryna put you around my neck 😏

You know what's the difference between my basement and Chick-fil-A?

A lot of things.

Me and my suicidal friend are close, so I took him to the mall to treat him.

We bought snacks, a new controller for his Xbox, and LED lights for his room to hopefully brighten his mood. After we scanned the last item, the machine beeped by itself.

My dick actually destroyed the Death Star.

Want to hear my pencil joke? Wait, I'm still writing it.

How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?

More than five because my basement is still dark.

I had sex with twins. Well, I think it was twins. All my rage victims look alike.

Hey, the biggest distraction will never be my tattoos in this facility if you understand what I am saying.

But in all seriousness, welcome to the biggest frat party taking place near the ocean. I am most likely going to tell my family this or maybe not, depending what's going down. I am very adaptive through different circumstances.

My lesbian friends bought me a nice watch for my birthday. I think they got confused when I said, "I wanna watch."

I was listening to WAP in my car with my four-year-old cousin, and she asked why they don't fix the holes in the house.

Then my fucking boyfriend, what a hoe, was and pointed to me. I pushed him out of the car, and my other boyfriend took the front seat.

I went fishing with my grandpa, and my fishing line caught the attention of a school of fish. I told him to get my gun.

A black man said, "Where are the young ones?"

I told my friend you should definitely quit smoking, but he could not find me because he was already up in flames.

My friend playing truth or dare asked me: "Dare".

My friends: "I dare you to go home."