My jokes

Guy: "My life is like a game, I should end it."

Guy 2: "Is it a hard life?"

Guy: "Yup"

Guy 2: "Then you can't kill yourself LOL"

Guy 3: "Hold on, I know a cheat code to finish the 'game'"

Once again, RIP Daniel Kyre, he actually died this day five years ago.

He attempted suicide Sep 16, and was in life support, till his parents made the tough decision of taking him off.

We will miss ya bud..... (cyndagoooooooo)

If I had a face like yours, I would sue my parents.

I took my girlfriend out the other day... Man, do I love being a sniper.

A son walks up to his dad and says, "Dad! I just had sex for the first time."

The dad goes, "Great! Wanna sit down and talk about it?"

The son says, "I can't sit right now, my butt is very sore."

My mom is the jelly, and my dad is the peanut butter. And I am the bread, the only thing keeping them together.

A man woke up from a serious surgery. He screamed, "Doctor! Doctor! I can't feel my legs!" And the doctor replied, "I know. I amputated your arms."

I asked my mum why she’s depressed, she said her life has been a wreck. I asked how long has it been, she then asked when I was born.

My grandfather was there when the Titanic sank. He shouted 3 times that it was gonna sink until they finally kicked him out of the movie theater... haha

At my funeral, take the bouquet off the coffin and throw it into the crowd to see who's next.

My fish can break dance. Only for 20 seconds and only once.

If you don't like my suicidal jokes, sorry man, didn't know it cut that deep.

I don't need to go to the car dealership when I have a Geico scanner on my arm at all times. 😏

Everything I fall in love with leaves me. Maybe if I fall in love with my depression, it'll leave me too.

I had to clean out my spice rack and found everything was too old and had to be thrown out. What a waste of thyme.

My blind friend is so annoying, he kept bumping into things even though I repeatedly told him to look where he was going.

What's the difference between a knife and my life?

A knife has a point.

What does a pregnant teen and an aborted child have in common?

They both say, “My mom's gonna kill me!”

In school, we learned that squirrels stick their nuts in trees. So, just like my uncle Dave...

Teacher: "People with depression never get anywhere in life."

Student 1: "My mom has depression, but she died."

Student 2: "My sister has depression and she's going to therapy."

Student 3: "My dad has depression, and he's doing REALLY well."

Roses are red.

My soul is black.

I am never getting my dad back.