I got my son a trampoline for his birthday The ungrateful boy sat in his wheelchair the hole time
If you don ́t like my suicidal jokes, sorry man didn ́t know it cut that deep.
i can here thunder outside which i find weird since the lightning is on my arm....
My mom is the jelly and my dad is the peanut butter And I am the bread the only thin keeping them together.
Why do orphans become criminals? To know what it’s like to be Wanted.
Why are orphans bad at poker? They don’t know what a full house is.
I saw a child crying yesterday so I asked him where his parents were. Bad move. I got fired from my job at the orphanage.
What do you call an orphan’s family reunion? Me time.
Did you know? The letter ‘f’ in orphan stands for family.
What is an orphan’s least favorite song? We are Family.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite tv show? Family Guy.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite movie? Meet the Parents.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite type of music? House.
Next: Inappropriate Jokes
What’s an orphan’s least favorite store? Home Depot.
What’s an orphan’s favorite band? Foster the People.
What do you call a virgin from Alabama? An orphan.
Where do orphan chickens end up? Foster Farms
What beer do orphans drink? Foster’s.
Why do orphans have water with their cereal? Because their dad never came back with the milk.
What do you call a fish with no parents? An orfin
Why do orphans like playing tennis? Because it’s the only love they get.
Me: Are you an orphan? Orphan: Yes, what gave me away? Me: Your parents.
A guy goes into his attic to clean it out and finds an old oil lamp. He thinks he could sell it instead of throwing it away, so he starts to rub it and out pops this genie. The genie says to him " Thank you for awakening me, I can grant you three wishes as a token of my gratitude." The guy wishes for a billion dollars, the genie grants it. The guy then asks for a huge mansion with 2 Lamborghinis and 2 Ferraris, the genie grants it. The genie says "This is your last wish so really make this one count." The guys says "Well I've always wanted to drive out to hawaiian islands, because airplanes scare me to death, so I would want a highway that could stretch from here all the way to the islands." The Genie says "That is asking for quite a lot and I'm not sure if I can pull that off, Is there anything else you'd want?" The guy says "Well I've been married and divorced three times, and I just can't understand what I've been doing wrong. I've given my ex-wives all the love and care that I could but in the end it was never enough. I would want to have the ability to understand women. The genie thinks for a few moments and says "Do you want a three or four lane highway?"
My grandfather was there when the titanic sank..he shouted 3 times that it was gonna sink until they Finally kicked him out of the movie theater............haha
I had to clean out my spice rack and found everything was too old and had to be thrown out. -- What a waste of thyme.
So I was being robbed and this guy had the gun to my head to i told him he was holding it backwards.
If I had a face like yours, I would sue my parents.
I like my couches like my I like my women... Old, used, and big enough to fit 3 men.
Teacher: People with Depression never get anywhere in life. Student 1: My mom has depression, but she died. Student 2: My sister has depression and she's going to Therapy. Student 3: My Dad Has depression, and he's Doing REALLY Well
My grandfather said we rely on technology too much so I unplugged his life support. Luckily I remember his last words . "You little bastard!"
Yo mama so fat she blocked my internet connection.
The most confusing day of my life was when I found out my toaster was waterproof.
A man woke up from a serious surgery. He screamed, "Doctor! Doctor! I can't feel my legs!". And the doctor replied, "I know. I amputated you arms."
A son walks up to his dad and says "Dad! I just had sex for the first time." The dad goes "Great! Wanna sit down and talk about it?" The son says "I cant sit right now, my butt is very sore."
Roses are red My soul is black I am never getting My dad back
