My jokes
My wife and I were out to dinner and the waitress started flirting with me.
"She obviously has COVID," my wife said.
"Why?" I asked.
My wife replied with a sneer, "Because she has no taste!"
All my 9/11 jokes seem to fly too low.
I look at an orphanage, then hug my mum. He just looks sad and crude because he couldn’t find his mum.
You might think that tigers or lions are the best jumpers, but in my opinion, it's emos, because some of them are still in the air.
An orphan boy at my school did really bad in a test and started crying.
I said, “Don’t worry, your parents won’t say anything.”
Memes
My ex was an orphan as a child.
I should have taken that as the first sign.
If her parents didn’t want her, why would I?
I told my wife to embrace her mistakes.
So she gave me a hug.
"My name is Dezz."
Your hairline is so far back my dad even took 48 hours to reach it.
Your hairline is so far back that when I put on my glasses, I thought I saw an "M" for McDonald's on your hairline.
You know stairs, right? The dark... My there is something. I know that if you fall down the stairs, your balls will be crushed!
We thought that my mother died in the best way possible, during her sleep.
But when we did an autopsy on her, we saw she actually died in the worst way possible. During the autopsy.
My sister is so short she can't walk.
My hopes and dreams.
What’s similar between a pregnant 12 year old and the fetus inside of her?
They’re both thinking, “Oh, shit, my mum’s gonna kill me!”
For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio.
But that’s just me in a nutshell.
A little girl said to her mom, "Mom, my butt's cracked, kiss it, kiss it!" Her mom said, "Sweetie, shut up, it's always been there!" Then her daughter died 'cause of her melodramaticness.
What am I if my neck is covered in red bumps, my ears are the size of a giant corn cob, my skin is ruby red, my eyes are bloodshot, I have green skin, and fur growing all over my body? Horribly ugly.
My friend’s neighbor’s house is a real pigsty. There are hogs everywhere wearing neck garments.
Once, my father came home and found me in front of a roaring fire.
That made my father very mad, as we didn't have a fireplace.