My jokes

Who's in my ass?

Your sister.

My grandfather said that ppl rely on technology too much these days, so I thought about what he said and decided to unplug his life support.

Are you acid, cause I want to throw [you] at my face?

My older sister said she was gonna shoot herself, so I did it for her.

The sexy towers are just like my sexy toes because when I crashed a plane into the tower, it burned and bled.

My grandpa died in 9/11. He was a great pilot.

What's the difference between an orgy and mass suicide?

When exactly my cult members drink the Kool-Aid.

I look at an orphanage, then hug my mum. He just looks sad and crude because he couldn’t find his mum.

I told my wife to embrace her mistakes.

So she gave me a hug.

You know stairs, right? The dark... My there is something. I know that if you fall down the stairs, your balls will be crushed!

A friend took me out to his shed and was showing me all his tools, when he pointed to a ladder. "That's my step ladder," he said. "I never knew my real ladder."

Hii! Oh my gosh. It has been forever! How have you guys been? Comment your favorite movie!!!! <3

My hair goes just onto my collar bones. WOW! That's longer than I'll live.

Bro, the Twin Towers are like my grandpa and his friends. One survived—my grandpa. The others have fallen—his friends.

Billy: Hey kid, why are you sad?

Orphan: Oh, I'm waiting for my parents.

Billy: Oh, and how long have you been here?

Orphan: About 200 years.

My girlfriend left me today for spending my own money. What a bitch! I spend a fair amount of money on her for her clothes and Air Force Ones, but as soon as I spend $100 on hookers, she leaves me.

I wish my grass was emo so it would cut itself.

My wife and I were out to dinner and the waitress started flirting with me.

"She obviously has COVID," my wife said.

"Why?" I asked.

My wife replied with a sneer, "Because she has no taste!"

Your hairline is so far back that I can't even back out of my car.

A cop pulls me over and asks if I have been drinking.

I'm an honest person and say yes, I did, so I take off my sunglasses and tell him that I now had 2 glasses less.