My jokes
Credit to my boy tippecanoe3 for this joke.
What do you call it when Panera isn’t hungry?
Panera fed.
Credit to RogueRobot for this one:
What does Panera sleep in?
Panera bed.
I will never forget my grandpa's last words, Hold the ladder!
My grief counselor died. He was so good, I don't even care!
Who's in my ass?
Your sister.
Me: Y’all should start calling me 1943.
Friend: Why?
Me: 'Cause I’m going through my own Great Depression.
My grandfather said that ppl rely on technology too much these days, so I thought about what he said and decided to unplug his life support.
My teacher called me beautiful. I hate when she lies.
Why don’t I shut myself all the time?
I can only fit so many pairs of kids in my mouth and stomach at the same time.
Are you acid, cause I want to throw [you] at my face?
My grandpa said this generation relies too much on tech, so I unplugged his life support.
I tell my therapist I’m scared of the 3rd, 9th, and 15th letter of the alphabet.
Doctor: Oh, I see.
Me: Ahhhh!!!!!
Stop making 9/11 jokes, guys! My uncle died in that event. He was the best Arabian pilot in the world!
Hii! Oh my gosh. It has been forever! How have you guys been? Comment your favorite movie!!!! <3
911 what's your emergency?
"Burning in toaster."
"Toast?"
"Yeah so your calling 911 because of burnt toast?"
"Set fire to my forest!"
My father, who flew the plane, couldn't have a funeral, he went everywhere.
Billy: Hey kid, why are you sad?
Orphan: Oh, I'm waiting for my parents.
Billy: Oh, and how long have you been here?
Orphan: About 200 years.
Hey I have a joke for you.
My life hahah. I wanna die.
My wife Jean is happy, 😊 pretty, 😍 and pregnant,🤰 boy, 👦 am I glad 😊 I bought her 👩 a new whirlpool washer and dryer.
Washer: $249.95 Dryer: $199.95
I wish my grass was emo so it would cut itself.
My friend told me an EMO joke once, and I said, "EMO jokes aren't funny, cut it out!"