My jokes
My dad in 9/11; he was the best pilot.
I put this joke so the amount of jokes will be 69. Also, I have 50 kids in my basement. I fed "Twinkies" last night.
Knock, knock.
You suck my iron with you and mommy.
Once, my father came home and found me in front of a roaring fire.
That made my father very mad, as we didn’t have a fireplace.
"Your mother has been with us for 20 years," said John. "Isn’t it time she got a place of her own?"
"My mother?" replied Helen. "I thought she was your mother."
What's the difference between a dead body and a Lamborghini?
I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.
I broke my arm in two places. You know what the doctor told me? Stay out of those places!
My son asked for a swimming pool so I got him a ant 🐜🐜🐜 pool.
For some reason, my mom likes to lick and suck on hotdogs. As a son, can anyone tell me why?
Once my twin brother died from a plane crash. His last words were, "If it's a bomb, I'll give it a 9/11."
My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair.
Guess who came crawling back? Sadly, the hardest part to eat of the vegetable is the wheelchair.
My dad died in 9/11. He was the best pilot I have ever seen, though.
My friend looks more red than Mr. Krabs.
It’s weird, I could’ve sworn I saw the silhouette of a belt hurling towards him the other day.
I just competed in a wrestling tournament. The first guy hit me harder than my dad’s belt.
My ex's dad died while she was texting me. She said she had a boyfriend, but I told her I had a dad.
*gets hit by a car*
Passerby: "ARE YOU OKAY?"
Me: "Please...I need my...phone."
*opens twitter*
Me: "LMFAOOOOOOO YALL GUESS WHAT"
Girl: Come over.
Orphan: I can’t.
Girl: My parents aren’t home.
Orphan: Oh, cool, something we have in common.
Today, I filmed an unboxing video at my friend's funeral.
His parents weren't too happy.
"If two sides in a battlefield read my book, there will be no winner."
Sun Tzu, The Art of War.
My sister and a basketball got certain things in common.
My sister's tits and ass are bouncy like a basketball.