My jokes

How did my dad know I was gay?

He stuck his cock in me and I liked it.

I can't believe what just happened. I was at the bowling alley having a great time with my girlfriend when suddenly a man took all of our bowling pins! I asked him why and he said he needed more tapins to keep his career relevant. I instantly realized it was Penaldo!

"Hold my beer, watch this."

I pushed my best friend's chair in class. Now I kinda feel bad that he was in a wheelchair.

I'm so poor that when robbers break into my house,

they bring me things. <_>

I wanted to play Fruit Ninja, but remembered I don’t have a phone. Guess I gotta draw fruit on my arm!

What has 4 legs and two gloves?

All five people on my baseball team. ⚾️

My mom once ate a full giant cheesecake, and we were walking to our flight back home, and she had to sh*t.

We were walking to the bathroom, and she full on [did it] in front of the carousel. She had a lump of poo in her pants... True story, haha!

I've recently been treated with Asthma and have been prescribed penicillin. One day I was taking it and a man screaming "SUIII" came into the room and stole it! He thought the penicillin would give him penalties. I couldn't breathe, shame on you Penaldo for ruining my life!

I’ll never forget my dad’s last words. “Erase my search history, son.”

What makes laissez-faire and a gangbang the same?

Not my problem.

As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way.

Maybe my budding career as a tour guide was not the right choice.

Guys, I'm back...

Here's my joke:

What is blue and red all over?

Blood in the water of a shark attack victim.

Sometimes I am happy, and there are times I envy my dog.

My mom told me to be positive...

I was heading to an HIV test.

Some guy asked me, "Are you better than my meat?" I said, "No, I'm not better, I just beat it all the time."

I asked a man if I was the fastest gun in the west. He said my 17 wasn't good enough. After that, a lot of lead went into his head.

I was digging outside and I found my child's old toy, so I ran to find him, but I could not find him, so I was searching for about 6 hours, but then I remembered why I was digging......

Jim was caught beating a man up. Brooklyn took a picture of his license plate with her phone and told him, "Your life is ruined!" So Jim took a picture of her, and the next thing you know, he said, "Now my phone is ruined!"

If I was God, my parents would be anesthetists.