My jokes

I was going to tell a joke I made up about my vacuum cleaner, but it sucks.

So many things are going through my head.

How am I not dead yet?

My favorite animal is a cheetah, so I hope the jokes are good.

911 what's your emergency?

"Burning in toaster."

"Toast?"

"Yeah so your calling 911 because of burnt toast?"

"Set fire to my forest!"

My dog died today. 😥

My father, who flew the plane, couldn't have a funeral, he went everywhere.

Hey I have a joke for you.

My life hahah. I wanna die.

You might think that tigers or lions are the best jumpers, but in my opinion, it's emos, because some of them are still in the air.

An orphan boy at my school did really bad in a test and started crying.

I said, “Don’t worry, your parents won’t say anything.”

My ex was an orphan as a child.

I should have taken that as the first sign.

If her parents didn’t want her, why would I?

"My name is Dezz."

My friend said he saw a blind man. I said, "Did he LOOK nice?"

Your hairline is so far back my dad even took 48 hours to reach it.

Your hairline is so far back that when I put on my glasses, I thought I saw an "M" for McDonald's on your hairline.

Kid me: I lost my stick.

Teacher: No, you didn’t.

Kid me: How do you know that?

Teacher: It’s hanging out of your pants.

My wife Jean is happy, 😊 pretty, 😍 and pregnant,🤰 boy, 👦 am I glad 😊 I bought her 👩 a new whirlpool washer and dryer.

Washer: $249.95 Dryer: $199.95

My mom told me to go to bed, but then I grabbed a drink and went in their room to say goodnight, and they looked like Adam and Eve on steroids!

When I dunk my cookies in milk, I think of you. I hold them down until the bubbles stop.

I wish my grass was emo because then it would cut itself.

My grief counselor died. He was so good, I don't even care!