My jokes
My sister is so short she can't walk.
My hopes and dreams.
What’s similar between a pregnant 12 year old and the fetus inside of her?
They’re both thinking, “Oh, shit, my mum’s gonna kill me!”
What am I if my neck is covered in red bumps, my ears are the size of a giant corn cob, my skin is ruby red, my eyes are bloodshot, I have green skin, and fur growing all over my body? Horribly ugly.
My friend’s neighbor’s house is a real pigsty. There are hogs everywhere wearing neck garments.
Memes
My mates threw nuts at the wall, now we call them walnuts.
Hahaha :)
Ahaha, I'm laughing because my friend is so black his mama killed the clown.
If wishes were horses, Beggars would ride.
If turnips were watches, I would wear one by my side.
And if if's and an's were pots and pans, The tinker would never work!
My friend said that his book was getting boring and that he's gonna kill off some characters.
I asked him what his book was about and he said, "Oh, it's an autobiography."
Orphan: My mommy and daddy love me.
Guy: Where are they then?
Orphan: In the eternal depths of [hell].
I wish my grass was emo, so then it could cut itself.
What did the blonde say when someone says, "Your baby is so cute?"
"For the last time, I don't want to sign up my child for Tindergarten just yet!"
Amelia is hotter than my mum 696969696.
My grief counselor died the other day.
He was so good at his job, I don't even care.
My son's into astromancy asked me how do stars die, so I told him, "Usually on overdose, son."
Question: Why does my teenage brother wear a cape to bed?
Answer: Because he can't sleep in his race car bed...
My dad died in 9/11... He was the best pilot I know.
What’s the difference between a pile of babies and a Tesla?
I don’t have a Tesla in my garage.
My therapist told me time heals wounds, so I stabbed him, and now we wait.
Deku: Hey Todoroki, are you done with your Halloween costume?
Todoroki: Yes. *comes out in a macaroni outfit*
Deku: Wha- I'm todoroni.
Bakugo: OMFG, I'm out! *blows up UA*