My jokes
What do a 14-year-old pregnant girl and the child inside her have in common?
Both are thinking, “Oh no! My mom’s gonna kill me!”
Roses are red, Violets are blue, With every beat of my heart, I'm devoted to you.
Is their [there] a doctor anywhere?
My mom has a few problems & those problems is [are] that my mom has big tits, fat ass & sweet pussy that needs attention. Help anyone.
I drove my new rainbow-colored car today. For some reason, it wouldn't go straight.
My biology teacher told us "get out nice and sharp colored pencils." Does she mean as sharp as in the blades I use to cut myself?
Q. What’s black and blue and doesn’t like to have sex?
A. The little girl in my trunk.
Attended my boss's funeral to pay my respects. On my way out, I leaned over his casket and whispered lightly, "Well, look who's thinking outside the box now."
What's the similarity between Christmas stuffing and my penis?
I like them both inside dead animals, because alive animals feel too much like men, and then I'd cum too quick.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Your smile's warmth, Lights up my view.
People ask me, "Are you an organ donor?"
"Yeah, over my dead body!"
How do you break up two blind guys fighting?
Yell, "My money's on the guy with the knife!"
My last best man's speech was like the marriage--short, occasionally funny, and ultimately ruined by the bridesmaid.
My girlfriend got COVID.
This is the perfect time to propose to her. She might just say yes because of the lack of taste.
I taped a picture of Bill Cosby to my gun, now it's an assault rifle.
My parents raised me as an only child, which infuriated my sister.
What's the difference between me and cancer?
Well, my dad couldn't beat cancer.
This was a few months ago. I used to help people load and unload inventory. One day I’m driving home after having lunch with my sister, and she asked if we can stop at the next gas station. I told her, "So you can weigh yourself on the truck scale?"
When I have sex, my girlfriend screams, especially when I walk in on her.
Tuesday, I was looking at my family tree, and two dogs were using it.
Daveon says, "Oh wow, she's so beautiful!" The doctor then says, "Yes, but sadly, your wife didn't make it..." Daveon then states, "Give me the one my wife made then!"