My jokes

My son wore his new "Go Vegan" Hoodie for the first time today, and already he's been verbally abused as well as being punched, kicked, & spat on!!!!

And he's not even left the house yet!!!

My cousin just broke up with her boyfriend, and I told her, "Since your dad owns a moving company, you can already take half of his stuff."

My cousin just broke up with his girlfriend, and I told him, "Since your dad owns a moving company, you can already take half of her stuff."

Hello explain bear my love 💕💕

My grandad and your hairline go way back.

This bitch got mad at me because I couldn’t last four strokes. My grandpa didn’t even survive one.

I have to file a complaint against Spotify because I didn’t see you on my hot singles last week.

Why does everyone call me racist?

My shadow is black.

People ask me, "Are you an organ donor?"

"Yeah, over my dead body!"

How do you break up two blind guys fighting?

Yell, "My money's on the guy with the knife!"

A riddle: My enemy is the Joker, I'm black and I help to save Gotham City. Who am I?

My screen lock is my favorite picture of my wife. When I'm on a 14-hour shift, being miserable, hating my life... I pull out my phone and gaze at the picture of my wife. Then I realize it's better here than at home with her ass.

What's the difference between me and cancer?

Well, my dad couldn't beat cancer.

Last year, I gave my brother a BB gun for his birthday. He gave me a T-shirt with a bullseye on it.

I asked him what the bullseye was for. He said, "Target practice."

This was a few months ago. I used to help people load and unload inventory. One day I’m driving home after having lunch with my sister, and she asked if we can stop at the next gas station. I told her, "So you can weigh yourself on the truck scale?"

I complained to my dad why he never took me to the zoo.

He said if they want you, they’ll come get you.

When I have sex, my girlfriend screams, especially when I walk in on her.

Tuesday, I was looking at my family tree, and two dogs were using it.

My proctologist used to be a photographer. He took x-rays and told me to bend over and say "cheese!"

Daveon says, "Oh wow, she's so beautiful!" The doctor then says, "Yes, but sadly, your wife didn't make it..." Daveon then states, "Give me the one my wife made then!"