My jokes

I asked my wife if I was the only one she slept with. She said yes—the others were 7's and 8's.

McDonald's worker be like, "Hello, would you like a Mc-Dick?" (You looked down) You: "Uhh, where's my dick?"

I remember my first day back when working at a camp. I was so surprised when the trains arrived.

A riddle: My enemy is the Joker, I'm black and I help to save Gotham City. Who am I?

My screen lock is my favorite picture of my wife. When I'm on a 14-hour shift, being miserable, hating my life... I pull out my phone and gaze at the picture of my wife. Then I realize it's better here than at home with her ass.

Why does everyone call me racist?

My shadow is black.

What's the difference between me and cancer?

Well, my dad couldn't beat cancer.

Last year, I gave my brother a BB gun for his birthday. He gave me a T-shirt with a bullseye on it.

I asked him what the bullseye was for. He said, "Target practice."

This was a few months ago. I used to help people load and unload inventory. One day I’m driving home after having lunch with my sister, and she asked if we can stop at the next gas station. I told her, "So you can weigh yourself on the truck scale?"

I complained to my dad why he never took me to the zoo.

He said if they want you, they’ll come get you.

When I have sex, my girlfriend screams, especially when I walk in on her.

Tuesday, I was looking at my family tree, and two dogs were using it.

My proctologist used to be a photographer. He took x-rays and told me to bend over and say "cheese!"

Daveon says, "Oh wow, she's so beautiful!" The doctor then says, "Yes, but sadly, your wife didn't make it..." Daveon then states, "Give me the one my wife made then!"

What did the rapper say to his broken pencil?

"You're just not SHARP enough for my lyrics!"

Yesterday I purchased a world map and told my wife to throw a dart, and wherever it lands, I will take her. Turns out we're spending three weeks behind the fridge.

Who is my favorite underground rapper?

XXX Tentacion

My parents raised me as an only child, which infuriated my sister.

I have to file a complaint against Spotify because I didn’t see you on my hot singles last week.

My last relationship ended because I didn’t open the car door for her. Instead, I just went to the top of the water.