My jokes

I was at a My Chemical Romance meet and greet that Gerard didn’t attend, I just thought... “NO WAY!”

My friend playing truth or dare asked me: "Dare".

My friends: "I dare you to go home."

Anyone want to fuck? Cause my sisters are such cunts!

I'm always forgetting these kinds of jokes. I also forgot my son's name.

"Jimmy Jimmy, Yes Papa,"

"Give away my Money, No Papa,"

"Telling Lies, OK, Ima Check my Bank Account."

My dad said he'd get the milk, but he forgot I was in his car.

My teacher says no phones allowed. I say my phone is allowed because I’m nobody, Dania.

"Your mother has been with us for 20 years," said John. "Isn’t it time she got a place of her own?"

"My mother?" replied Helen. "I thought she was your mother."

I wasn't going to visit my family this December, but my mom promised to make me Eggs Benedict. So I'm going home for the hollandaise.

Why did the cop ask the orphan if he was home alone?

The orphan said because my parents have never come back yet because I have none.

Hey I have a joke for you.

My life hahah. I wanna die.

My wife Jean is happy, 😊 pretty, 😍 and pregnant,🤰 boy, 👦 am I glad 😊 I bought her 👩 a new whirlpool washer and dryer.

Washer: $249.95 Dryer: $199.95

My girlfriend left me today for spending my own money. What a bitch! I spend a fair amount of money on her for her clothes and Air Force Ones, but as soon as I spend $100 on hookers, she leaves me.

My friend Enyaw is gay, she is a cunt.

You're so ugly when a pig saw you, he said, "Yes, my brother is back."

My grandfather said that ppl rely on technology too much these days, so I thought about what he said and decided to unplug his life support.

My grandpa said this generation relies too much on tech, so I unplugged his life support.

A cop pulls me over and asks if I have been drinking.

I'm an honest person and say yes, I did, so I take off my sunglasses and tell him that I now had 2 glasses less.

So many things are going through my head.

How am I not dead yet?

Yesterday my mom forgot to go grocery shopping, and I was starving, so I kept opening the fridge about 100 times, but nothing new was in there.