My jokes

Once, my father came home and found me in front of a roaring fire.

That made my father very mad, as we didn't have a fireplace.

How did my dad know I was gay?

He stuck his cock in me and I liked it.

I'm so poor that when robbers break into my house,

they bring me things. <_>

What has 4 legs and two gloves?

All five people on my baseball team. ⚾️

I wanted to play Fruit Ninja, but remembered I don’t have a phone. Guess I gotta draw fruit on my arm!

My mom once ate a full giant cheesecake, and we were walking to our flight back home, and she had to sh*t.

We were walking to the bathroom, and she full on [did it] in front of the carousel. She had a lump of poo in her pants... True story, haha!

Me: I need a good roast.

My friend: Take me!

As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way.

Maybe my budding career as a tour guide was not the right choice.

Guys, I'm back...

Here's my joke:

What is blue and red all over?

Blood in the water of a shark attack victim.

I think about my life, and then I think about death. I prefer death. If you ask me, life is just a time when you die. Basically, death is life, meaningless 0-0.

I was in Afghanistan and I had been captured by the Taliban. I was going to get the death penalty.

Suddenly a man came out of nowhere and offered to take the penalty. It was my idolo Penaldo. He missed the penalty. Now I will die. Shame on u Penaldo!

I've recently been treated with Asthma and have been prescribed penicillin. One day I was taking it and a man screaming "SUIII" came into the room and stole it! He thought the penicillin would give him penalties. I couldn't breathe, shame on you Penaldo for ruining my life!

I wish I knew life, but my dad said it was a mistake to begin with.

Some guy asked me, "Are you better than my meat?" I said, "No, I'm not better, I just beat it all the time."

I was digging outside and I found my child's old toy, so I ran to find him, but I could not find him, so I was searching for about 6 hours, but then I remembered why I was digging......

The only joke my dad ever made was me.

I don't need a girlfriend, 'cause I got my cousin, bro.

Teacher said, "You never do your homework," so I shot her 7 times with a M1 BushDid911 and replied, "It's all in my backpack, can you grade it please?"

My grandpa was the best soldier ever. He gunned down over 100 soldiers in his bunker during D-Day.

I’ll never forget my dad’s last words. “Erase my search history, son.”