My jokes

I called my mom on Alexa, and she told me, "Please take out the trash." I said, "But I can't, you're not here."

What does my uncle call a school?

A strip club.

What is soccer like when you lose your soccer ball?

Orphan: "My Parents."

Today, my family visited Disneyland. When we got to the hall of fame, I was shocked to find a statue of the BielefeldMan.

The tour guide said, "That’s Lewandisney. He owns the biggest collection of Disney TAP-INS and is a Mickey Mouse clubhouse member." Well done Lewandisney!

Guys, these jokes are not funny. My dad died, he was the best Arabic pilot ever.

My girlfriend said I was a ped0phi1e.

That's a big word for a 6 year old!

I murdered my friend's brother because he kept saying "HEE HEE" like Michael Jackson when I was trying to have a serious conversation. I just found out he was disabled. That's a THRILLER.

My name is Giselle.

My teacher gave me an A in Physics, then she tells me that it turns guys on.

I went to kill Biden with poison water and mixed it with my finger, and then licked it. I passed out, and now I'm here.

"I've only been ripped off twice in my life. The first time was when I ordered three kebabs and they only delivered two. The second time was when we signed Cristiano Ronaldo."

-Al Nassr owner

1, 2 buckle my shoe.

3, 4 buckle some more.

5, 6 Nike kicks!

Daddy, I really miss you. Mummy changed my name to Tickle Timpson. Anyway, daddy I forgive you for abusing me.

I was going to give my wife chocolates, but my fat friends ate them.

Wife: "You don't even have friends!"

"Where are my balls? Down in your mom."

My ex.

Me at an orphanage: I need to talk.

Orphan: My parents!

Me: You know that word?

I wrote puns on a piece of paper like this:

P. P. P. P. U. U. U. U. N. N. N. N. S. S. S. S.

Then I showed them to my teacher, asking him what they had in common.

“They are all very tearable,” he replied.

Well, there is one person who gets it!

How many orphans does it take to change a light bulb?

Obviously more than three because my basement is still dark.

When I finished high school, I wanted to take my graduation money and buy myself a motorcycle, but my mom said no.

See, she had a brother who died in a horrible motorcycle accident when he was eighteen, and I could just have his motorcycle.