My jokes

It’s disappointing that Los Angeles doesn’t offer better transportation, especially since my neighbor offers free mustache rides every night.

My therapist said to try having a different outlook on life.

I agree. I should have a different outlook on life. Preferably from underground.

On the plus side, I finally hear voices talking to me... just wish they were outside my head.

Am tired of my country!!!! How can two policemen use one gun?

Q: What did one atom say to the other?

A: I have my ion you.

I told my friend to fly a plane,

But he threw a ramp off a roof.

My name is Gunter.

Aren't my egg yolks amazing? Don't they make you crack up? If not, I better scramble!

I ate the last of my Egyptian food, and now I falafel. I don't know why I made that joke. Probably just becuscus.

I followed the sun for a day (stood there at noon). I found myself at the same spot.

I hate my birthday. For my first birthday my mom gave me my life. I liked it when it was new and fun. Now it's broken and sad and I wanna take it back.

My friend: What are you doing?

Me: I'm making holy water.

My friend: How?

Me: I'm boiling the hell out of it.

While writing my suicide note, I got a paper cut... it’s a start.

My sister and I were hanging out when she opened her drawer and pulled out 3 condoms and said, "Pick one."

I told my dad, "I just thought of something funny." He said, "Your face?"

You guys wanna hear a joke?

My LOVE LIFE.

My math teacher walked by and asked me, "What is that?"

I said, "Paper."

She said, "Really?"

I said, "Yeah, do you need glasses?"

I watch sexy girls AMV and my pp goes up and down and up.

Roses are red, violets are blue, Cause comes near my Willy.

Daddy, I really miss you. Mummy changed my name to Tickle Timpson. Anyway, daddy I forgive you for abusing me.