My jokes

I have a dead fish in my lunchbox.

Evan, yo mum rode on my big PP love, dad.

If my boobies are fish, then am I salmon boobies? Please give generously.

I was gonna clean my room

before I got high.

Yesterday I asked my friend, "What is a fish without eyes?"

They replied, "I don’t know."

I said, "Fsh."

Roses are red, my blood is too, And I've been seeing it a lot more, since I've lost you.

I love my dog!

Guy is at athletic meet. Asks guy if he is a pole vaulter.

He replies, "No I am German and how did you know my name was Walter?"

Good afternoon. My name is Russell, and I am a wilderness explorer of Tribe 54, Sweat Lodge 12. Are you in need of any assistance today, sir?

My enemy told me I’m adopted, so I told him at least I got adopted.

A woman prayed to be a mother everyday for many years until she crossed a road without looking and got hit by a woman driver and died.

When she met God, she asked Him, "How come you didn't answer my prayers?"

God replied, "I did. I kept sending men to rape you, but you kept on choosing to destroy my creations by having an abortion."

What’s the difference between cancer and my abusive stepdad?

My stepdad did beat cancer.

I was crying while my dad was cutting onions in the kitchen. Onions was such a good dog.

My nan broke her toe on a brick today. Last time she broke her toe because she kicked her car tire. Does that now mean I have to tow her back to the doctors?

My name is Jafar. I come from afar. There's a bomb in my car. Allahu Akbar!

He only won the election because of rigging.

82 million votes my ass.

Ask me for proof.

Cow A: I slept with your sister!

Cow B: Never knew my brother was a girl!

All the other cows:

:O

I wish my grass was edgy...

then it would cut itself...

There's nothing else that can beat up dog.

What's up, dog?

Just my depression!

My friend was annoying me with bird puns. I realized toucan play at this game.