My jokes
My favorite bath bomb is a toaster.
Please help, my dad is an addict. He won't stop, and he eats my food.
Sometimes I think, should I kill him? But nah, he will go down with the others who did that too.
I see a kid crying in the park, right? So I go up to him and say, "Hey, where are your parents?" and he says, "Well, my dad left to get the milk and never came back, and my mother died in a plane crash in the Bermuda Triangle."
A 14 year old girl finds out she is pregnant. Her: "Crap! My mom is going to kill me!"
The fetus: "lol same here."
Today my ex got hit by a bus.
I also lost my job as a bus driver.
What does my dad have in common with Nemo?
They both can’t be found.
So I’m riding in the car with my dad and all of a sudden I smell something rank without warning.
My dad starts laughing at me.
Dad: “Son! That must have been an orphan fart! You know why?”
Me: “Why dad?”
Dad: “Because it ain’t got no pop!”
I got my daughter a trampoline for her birthday. The ungrateful bitch just sat there in her wheelchair and cried.
Knock knock, who's there? God.
God who? NO, you idiot, there is no God. I am your father and you have locked me out of my own house!
Why did my dad cross the road?
To get to the nearest building so he wouldn't die in the crippling smoke of the most terrifying and only terrorist attack on American soil.
My wife and I’s gay marriage counselor advised us to watch porn together. So, we decided to try it out one day and search up lesbian shemale porn.
And that’s the day she found out she was a porn star.
Girl: Wanna come over to my house?
Orphan: I have to ask if my parents come home.
I have an awesome sex drive. My girlfriend lives 40 miles away.
I was an orphan as a kid, and I'm pretty sure my favorite thing was seeing parents with their kids.
I think we know why.
You know Hitler loves you when he comes up to you on Valentine's Day and he says, "Will you be my Valenein?"
I got my blind friend a TV... He never uses it.
My wife left a note on the fridge. The note read, "It's not working." I don't know what she's talking about. I opened the fridge, and it worked fine!
Hello, if you don't know me (which you probably don't), my name is watersharky, or WS, or Shark.
I am a normal, weird kid/preteen, and that's it. If you want more info on me, I will gladly share! Shark out.
Riddle me this. Riddle me that.
Why did my parents never come back?
Dad: Son, you're adopted.
Son: Oh wow, I wonder who my real parents are.
Dad: We are your real parents. Your adopted parents are coming to pick you up.