My jokes

I was an orphan as a kid, and I'm pretty sure my favorite thing was seeing parents with their kids.

I think we know why.

Girl: Wanna come over to my house?

Orphan: I have to ask if my parents come home.

My brother told me he wanted to find a golden apple tree in real life. I told him it was a fruitless mission.

My friend looks like a homeless, thanks for the jokes.

I went to the doctor because I had a steering wheel in my pants, and it was driving me nuts.

My aunt's star sign was Cancer, so it's pretty ironic how she died...

She was eaten by a giant crab.

I like my kids like I like my lamps.

Hung from the ceiling.

My favorite bath bomb is a toaster.

I got my blind friend a TV... He never uses it.

Me and my receding hairline? Believe me, we go way back.

I see a kid crying in the park, right? So I go up to him and say, "Hey, where are your parents?" and he says, "Well, my dad left to get the milk and never came back, and my mother died in a plane crash in the Bermuda Triangle."

A 14 year old girl finds out she is pregnant. Her: "Crap! My mom is going to kill me!"

The fetus: "lol same here."

Today my ex got hit by a bus.

I also lost my job as a bus driver.

My wife left a note on the fridge. The note read, "It's not working." I don't know what she's talking about. I opened the fridge, and it worked fine!

Hello, if you don't know me (which you probably don't), my name is watersharky, or WS, or Shark.

I am a normal, weird kid/preteen, and that's it. If you want more info on me, I will gladly share! Shark out.

Riddle me this. Riddle me that.

Why did my parents never come back?

Please help, my dad is an addict. He won't stop, and he eats my food.

Sometimes I think, should I kill him? But nah, he will go down with the others who did that too.

Dad: Son, you're adopted.

Son: Oh wow, I wonder who my real parents are.

Dad: We are your real parents. Your adopted parents are coming to pick you up.

What’s black and white and dead all over? My Chemical Romance.

I'm taking a guitar lesson at school. My band instructor told me he was going to hit me with my guitar. I asked him if that was a fret.