My jokes

A police pulls over a Mexican man trying to get into America. The Mexican man comes up with some sob story and the police say, "All right, all right ok," says the police, "I'll let you go if you can come up with a sentence that has the words green, pink, and yellow in it." The Mexican thought about it long and hard for almost 45 minutes and then the police says, "Ok ok let's hear it" after waiting impatiently. The Mexican said, "Ok ok don't rush me. I'm ready." The Mexican replied, "Ok when my phone green green, I pink it up and say Yellow!"

My cock, lmao.

A man goes to a doctor and says he's having problems shitting, so the doctor gives him an enema and says he needs to do it a few times at home, but does the first one for him. So the guy bends over the table, lubes him up, and shoves it deep in him, and he yells.

So later, the man goes home and tells his wife he needs her help with the enema. So he bends over, she lubes him up, puts a hand on his shoulder, and she shoves it up there, and he starts screaming and cussing, and the wife asks, "Did I hurt you?" He said, "No, I just realized when the doctor did it, he had both hands on my shoulders."

There was a blackout in my neighborhood last night. The police told us to stay inside until they shot him.

My black friend turned off the lights and suddenly disappeared.

Little Johnny brings his cat to school, and then the teacher asked him why. Little Johnny says, "Because I heard my dad tell my mom I'm going to eat that pussy up when the kids leave!"

What does Nemo have in common with my dad?

They both can't be found.

"Kidnapping is just surprise adoption, congrats! You are now all my children! Just hop into the portal that leads to the Lust Ring in Hell!"

My therapist said time heals all wounds. I stabbed him. Now we wait...

Lick my nut.

Hey guys, today's funniest prank: is when I poured a bunch of red wine into the chicken salad...to be honest, it was a TON of wine I poured in there! My family could not tell the difference at all! Anyway, bye, that's the prankster! Next time or see you next time!

My girlfriend has a huge crush on Jupiter, I mean she fell HARD!

My doctor called me a "psychopath." How dare he?!? He'll pay for this!

What do you call my sister?

Suicidal.

Me: What do you call 4 depressed kids?

My friend: What?

Me: The Suicide Squad.

Hey guess what...

What...

My penis is big.

One day my girlfriend and I were just hanging out and she needed to tell our dad that we were going out.

Y'all, I'm suspended till Wednesday and can't do much cuz I'm on a tablet, not my computer. Tell autterpop I won't be on till Wednesday or after.

What did grandpa say before he died in the hospital bed?

"Boy, could you put my phone on charging?"

I don't like 9/11 jokes because they always talk about how bad of a plane driver my dad is.