My jokes
Chuck Norris is the only man that ever had sex with my wife and survived. Oh, how did I survive?
Fortunately, being her husband, I was the one person she wasn't fucking.
Diet Day #1 - I removed all the fattening food from my house. It was delicious.
Roses are red, violets are blue,
Iโm sorry you look like my old beat up shoe.
Someone in my class yelled "Jenga!" while watching a documentary about the Twin Towers.
If you say "slay" in my comments I will follow all of you lmao who are signed in.
Memes
My ex-friends are depressed. Their names are Kaitlyn and Ava.
I punched my mom for no freaking reason.
To start off this Christmas season, I'ma make a list of what I want, then I'ma make plans with my family, then to start off my decorations, I'ma start with the first ornament and hang myself.
One of my family members died on 9/11, he was one of the best pilots in the Middle East.
Girls' dreams: OMG, my crush kissed me!
Boys' dreams: I just got a dub, bro!
I wish my hair was emo so it would cut itself.
I went down to my fridge to grab my dinner. I said to the children, "Who's next?"
My Wi-Fi must be Kobe, because it crashed hard.
Popular girl: Sorry I'm late.
Teacher: Why are you late!
Girl: I need my beauty sleep.
Nerd: Well, you might need to hibernate because you ain't pretty.
My friend was in a wheelchair, so I rolled him in fire. Now I call him Hot Wheels.
I was digging in our garden and found a chest full of gold coins. I wanted to run straight home to tell my wife about it.
Then I remembered why Iโm digging in our garden.
I still remember my grandpa's last words.
"Stop shaking the damn ladder!"
I hear you like funny people. In fact, my whole life's a joke!
Roses are red, My c0ck is blue, Oh shit, what happened to you?
I rang my boss and said, "Iโm really sick. I wonโt be coming into work." My boss said, "Davo, you're sick again! Really! Just how sick are you now?" I replied, "Well, Iโm in bed with my sister!"