My jokes
I was going to make a depressing joke, but my parents already did.
What's the last thing Asians hear from their parents?
"My money is my money. Your money is my money. Your wife's money is my money. Always remember that, son."
Are you a sports car? Because you give my heart quite a rush!
What is my favorite thing about my grandpa?
His life insurance.
My mom told me a joke about boxing.
I guess I missed the punch line.
My three favorite things are eating my family and not using commas.
Celebrating Mother's Day is confusing, says my cousin.
Banker: I have the right to take your money!
Me: Check my name.
Banker: Robin D. Bank, why?
Banker: *realizes*
Me: 😈🖐️ Gimme, gimme.
Someone stole my balls :(
I like my girls like my coffee: Flat and white.
A guy walks into a bar with a .44 magnum and yells: "Who the fuck fucked my wife?"
Everybody is silent for a second, then the bartender said: "Mate, you ain't got enough bullets!"
How many people can you fit in a car?
6 - 3 in the back, 2 in the front, and my nan in the ashtray.
I, for one, give President Joe Biden my full support, and anything else he can find in my previously rented gym locker. 🤣
I was fuming when I lost my job as a window cleaner, like who built the Twin Towers anyway?
Why do pirates say, "Argh my Hardees?"
Because that's how you tell when they have the hards.
I asked an orphan where his mom was. He started crying, so I said it again.
And well, that was my last day at the orphanage.
My girlfriend asked me whether I was having sex behind her back, and I replied, "Yes, who did you think it was?"
Popular girl: Sorry I'm late.
Teacher: Why are you late!
Girl: I need my beauty sleep.
Nerd: Well, you might need to hibernate because you ain't pretty.
What’s a lung’s favorite type of exercise?
Breathing exercises.
I told this to my English teacher, and he said it to the class, and no one laughed. Someone help!
As an honest Penaldo fan, I have to admit he is a penalty merchant. He can only score against farmer teams like Spezia. He never shows up against great teams like Barcelona.
I've come to realize my hero Penaldo will never be better than Messi. My idol Penaldo is sadly finished.