I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
My Jokes
One day, I put a lady taffy on my ass.
The other day my computer crashed. Luckily, there were no injuries.
Skedaddle skedoodle, I'm gonna go beat my noodle.
Did you hear about the guy that was cutting off people's feet and taking them?
It took my sole.
What’s the same between a pregnant 14 year old and her fetus?
They’re both saying “Oh my god my mom’s gonna kill me!”
What did one snow ❄️ man say to itself? My arm is broken.
My kids told me to have a good day, so I left them to their own devices and hoped for the best.
My mom gave my friend a blow job for good luck on his job interview, then my mom gave my other friend a blow job for his interview, and they both got the job. Now who needs good luck? Just ask my mom. My mom is a good luck charm.
Are you a sports car? Because you give my heart quite a rush!
Boy goes to Confession.
Boy: "What are you doing, Father?"
Priest: "It's called masturbation, and soon you will be doing it."
Boy: "Why do you say that, Father?"
Priest: "'Cause my hand is getting tired!"
-not my joke
My wife is mad that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and went right.
Banker: I have the right to take your money!
Me: Check my name.
Banker: Robin D. Bank, why?
Banker: *realizes*
Me: 😈🖐️ Gimme, gimme.
I was watching TV with my brother, and a diabetes commercial came on saying, "I have type one diabetes, and I manage it well."
My brother said, "You want a cookie?"
What did the cops say when someone called him racist?
"How can I be racist? My wife's eye is black."
What is the difference between a nun and a prostitute?
One says, "God is my father." The other says, "Who's the father and who is my son?"
What's hard about walking through a bunch of dead babies?
My dick.
An American mother has 3 children. The first child asked his mum: "Why is my sister called Crazy Horse and my brother Rushing Water?"
Mum: "Because those were the first thing I saw after i gave birth to them. Why are you asking all these questions, two dogs fucking?"
What is black, white, and red all over?
My third wife.
Fila is a cool brand. I fill a cock in my ass.
