My jokes
I'm not saying I'm ugly...
But when I'm watching porn, the hot, sexy women in my area always pop up and ask me if I'm rich.
What is my most popular side of myself?
Suicide.
What do my mom and a basketball have in common?
My mom's tits and ass are bouncy, just like a basketball.
My mom gave my friend a blow job for good luck on his job interview, then my mom gave my other friend a blow job for his interview, and they both got the job. Now who needs good luck? Just ask my mom. My mom is a good luck charm.
Are you a sports car? Because you give my heart quite a rush!
My mom told me a joke about boxing.
I guess I missed the punch line.
My three favorite things are eating my family and not using commas.
I told one of my friends, "You're the reason why gene pools have lifeguards."
I've decided that from January 1st, I'm only going to watch things that are 4K and above.
It's my New Year's resolution.
You need a good place to think? You can sit on my lap, and we’ll see the first thing that pops up!
Banker: I have the right to take your money!
Me: Check my name.
Banker: Robin D. Bank, why?
Banker: *realizes*
Me: 😈🖐️ Gimme, gimme.
Roses are red, violets are blue,
I’m sorry you look like my old beat up shoe.
My grandma told me I was next at my brother's wedding, so I told her she was next at her husband's funeral.
Sometimes I get jealous when my phone dies.
My ex-friends are depressed. Their names are Kaitlyn and Ava.
One of my family members died on 9/11, he was one of the best pilots in the Middle East.
Girls' dreams: OMG, my crush kissed me!
Boys' dreams: I just got a dub, bro!
I punched my mom for no freaking reason.
Someone in my class yelled "Jenga!" while watching a documentary about the Twin Towers.
People call my blind friend dumb sometimes.
She can't see the obvious.