My Jokes

You're so ugly that when you were born, your mother asked, "How does my little treasure look?", and the doctor replied, "I think we should bury it immediately."

I went home to my girlfriend with milk! She said, "Oh thank you honey!"

Then I got a call from a girl named Melissa. She called and said, "Steven, where the hell have you been? It's been two weeks and you still haven't come back yet?"

What do my dad and Nemo have in common? They both can’t be found.

My girlfriend said I was a ped0phi1e.

That's a big word for a 6 year old!

If a furry looks like an animal, sounds like animal, and acts like an animal, can I run over it with my car like an animal?

My dog died. I'm so sad.

What is the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body?

I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.

I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was 5.

What’s the difference between a Lamborghini and kids?

I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.

I'd tell a joke about how my mom was abusive, but I either forgot everything, or she just wasn't there.

One day in Roblox, someone was arguing with me, and they asked me my age. "18." They said that they were twenty-two.

Me: "If you're so smart, what's the largest daycare game on Roblox?"

Him: "Yo Hair," he said. Then he left the game, and I said, "That is so messed up. Actually, that's bullcrap."

I was digging a hole in my garden, then I found a treasure chest. I was so happy. I went to tell my wife, but then I remembered why I was digging a hole.

Short girl: "How do you see up there?"

Tall guy: "Who said that?"

I spit my drink out and then ran away.

My favorite kind of face mask is the plastic bag.

My sister: You were born ugly.

Me: I'm not a mirror, sis.

I was at school when I remembered I forgot my necklace, then I screamed out, "Shit, I forgot Grandpa!"

Thank you so much for helping me get to 20 followers! I'm so happy, every time I look at my followers going up, it makes me so happy. I can't wait to keep posting other things on here! <3

What does my dad and the Twin Towers have in common? They used to be with us, now it's just a sensitive topic.

What’s the similarity between my dick and my girlfriend?

I beat both of them.

My balls are high, just like the towers, but when something impales them, they begin to sag.