My jokes

I was given my electronics test today. Turns out it was given to me 'cause I have the same name as someone who got 54/59. I actually got my hopes up, too.

My pp.

My teacher asked what was the worst time you got paddled by your parents. My one friend said that he got in trouble and got whacked by a stick. I raised my hand and said that my dad whacked me with his dick.

I wish my lawn was emo, so I would not have to cut it, it would cut itself.

My girlfriend accused me of cheating. I told her she was starting to sound like my other girlfriend.

My dad and I have been playing hide and seek.

It's been 15 years and I still haven't found him.

"Hippity hoppity, don't abolish my property!"

My dog got mad at me for touching his toy. Do you know what he said?

"Get your paws off!" 💩💩💩

Just walked in on my parents doing it! Worst 30 minutes of my life.

A man went to the doctor, and the doctor said, "What happened to you?"

The man replied and said, "I broke my arm in two places!"

Then the doctor replied with, "DON’T GO BACK TO THOSE TWO PLACES!!"

I had a boyfriend once. He broke up with me because he "wanted to be more alive." I guess it didn't work when he went to my basement.

When I say, "Daddy," my stepbrother raises his head.

My dad is nice!

Do you know what my favorite time of day is?

6:30, hands down.

I wasn't going to have a brain transplant...

But then I changed my mind.

One day I was just sitting around when my butthole began to grow larger. It grew and grew and began to engulf the other parts of my body until it swallowed them all. Now I am just a big butthole typing this. Please help me!

Why is my pee pee 2 inches in length but 5 in girth?

My girlfriend accuse me of cheating. I asked her what was I supposed to do? She was just lying naked she said just do the damn autopsy.

Today I asked my phone, Siri, why am I still single?

And I activated the front camera! 😭😭😭😭😭

I would have a joke for my friend... but he can't afford the punchline.