My jokes
"Knock, knock.""Who's there?""Not your dad."Random kid: "My dad went to get milk. My mom said he will be back soon."
We shouldn't joke about major tragedies. My dad died in 9/11, he was Saudi Arabia's best pilot.
My wife complained about me being childish. So I told her to get out of my fort.
Me: Wanna hear a joke?
Person: Sure.
Me: Never mind, I was gonna say my life, but my life isn't a joke! Jokes have meaning.
Person: Dear God...
Where's my sister's friend? Oh, I forgot, we are in Alabama.
Memes
My wife asked me to connect more on my feminine side. So I crashed our car and fucked my trainer.
What do Jesus and I have in common?
No one knows my real bday either.
Chris Rock: Jada, I can't wait to see you in G.I. Jane 2!
Fresh Prince of Bel-Air theme song starts playing:
Will: "I got in one lil' fight about my wife's lost hair, she said, 'Will, if you don't do something I'm gonna have an affair!'" 😂😂😂
I wonder if Stephen Hawking was an organ donor because I need new parts for my go-kart.
My wife and I have made a difficult choice and have decided we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details, and we can drop them off tomorrow.
Been getting a lot of paper cuts on my fingers lately, I guess it's a sign I should go lower.
My sister thinks she's sooooo smart. She said that the only food that makes you cry is onions, therefore I threw a coconut at her.
My grief counselor died. He was so good, I don’t even care.
I told my husband he should embrace his mistakes.
He hugged me!
Teacher: Is anyone missing?
Orphan: My parents.
My dad may be working, but the coping mechanisms sure aren't!
Quiet kid reaches down and class starts running.
Quiet kid: What's wrong? Pulling out my...
Bill really said "your body, my choice," like, my man, it's your body, MY choice.
I have a Twin Towers model in my room.
It got infested with jumping spiders.
My favorite dark joke is orphan jokes. For no apparent reason.