My jokes
To stop my password from getting hacked, I changed it to something difficult to crack: "StrongBrazilianNut111".
I'm Asian and there is a saying that dogs are man's best friends. They are my best friends because they keep me from starving.
My friend says, "You should try Oreos with water."
Me: No, because my dad actually came back with the milf.
Mum finds out child cheats in math test.
Mom says, "There is no cheating in this house."
Child: "Then why did you cheat with my math teacher last night?"
Back in my day, the chicken dance was where the hen got raped by an angry pack of roosters.
Im so special
I thought I saw a cool sticker on my office window, then I realized it was getting bigger and bigger.
My girlfriend went to Tokyo, and she died in the tsunami.
Since I was sad, my friend told me, "Don't worry, there's plenty more in the ocean."
My parents told me that I should go hang with my friends and get out of the house.
So I called some of my friends and told them to meet me in the school yard. One said, "What tree?"
I replied, "You’ll know when you get here!"
My parents never said how they wanted us to hangout.
My mom was cooking dinner and asked me if I could get her a cutting board.
"No, I need you to take off your shirt and lay on the island so I can cut some chicken."
What does a knife have but not my life...
A point.
I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was just a kid.
Oh wait, I'm thinking of...
They laughed at my drawing, so I laughed at their chalk outline.
When I'm chilling and a little kid ruins my moment.
My mom and dad: KIDS COME DOWNSTAIRS TO EAT! Me: What's for dinner? Mom and Dad: Food.
The next day KIDS COME DOWNSTAIRS FOR FOOD! My brother and sister: What's for dinner? Me: Food ;-;
When my bro says "YOUR MOM" when I'm talking when I'm at school, and my friend says "YOUR MOM," me punches him;-;
My mom gives me your stuff because you have bad grades.
Me: How about my 5 little brothers? I have A's; he has F's.
She lets him play anyway and I don't.
My crush rejected me 2 years ago, and I still have never moved on. I'll be over her when a train is over me.
Your mama's so fat that she can’t even talk, even if Kevin says, "Oh my gosh!" 'cause she has a big ass mouth.
I keep trying to call my emo friend. They keep hanging up.
1 like = 1 small dick whiny conservative in my blender.