My jokes

My friend just told me about reverse exorcisms.

In these, the demon tells the priest to get out of the child.

I keep trying to call my emo friend. They keep hanging up.

1 like = 1 small dick whiny conservative in my blender.

Mum finds out child cheats in math test.

Mom says, "There is no cheating in this house."

Child: "Then why did you cheat with my math teacher last night?"

Back in my day, the chicken dance was where the hen got raped by an angry pack of roosters.

My girlfriend broke up with me, so I stole her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?

Me explaining my child: when your mom is sitting on a table during her period, it's called the periodic table.

My doctor said I need to lose calories, so I got a piece of paper, wrote "calories," and lit it on fire.

I told the ugly friend in my friend group that when they daydream, they shouldn't picture themselves because it will just ruin it.

I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was just a kid.

Oh wait, I'm thinking of...

They laughed at my drawing, so I laughed at their chalk outline.

When I'm chilling and a little kid ruins my moment.

My mom and dad: KIDS COME DOWNSTAIRS TO EAT! Me: What's for dinner? Mom and Dad: Food.

The next day KIDS COME DOWNSTAIRS FOR FOOD! My brother and sister: What's for dinner? Me: Food ;-;

When my bro says "YOUR MOM" when I'm talking when I'm at school, and my friend says "YOUR MOM," me punches him;-;

My mom gives me your stuff because you have bad grades.

Me: How about my 5 little brothers? I have A's; he has F's.

She lets him play anyway and I don't.

My crush rejected me 2 years ago, and I still have never moved on. I'll be over her when a train is over me.

Your mama's so fat that she can’t even talk, even if Kevin says, "Oh my gosh!" 'cause she has a big ass mouth.

Male Patient: So, I just pull my pants down and bend over for this prostate exam?

Doctor: Yep.

Male Patient: Ok, I'm ready. Hey! That doesn't feel like a finger.

Doctor: Yep, and I'm not even a doctor.

Once I almost died. I'll give it another shot out of the gun to finish my job.

My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair. She came crawling back!