My jokes

I played Uno with my Mexican friend.

That bastard took all the green cards!

Guys, you shouldn't joke about 9/11.

My great-uncle died that day. Best damn pilot in Iraq.

There's a disabled kid in my class, right? Oops, should've brought my Hot Wheels tracks.

I got fired my first day at the bank. This old lady told me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

Once I almost died. I'll give it another shot out of the gun to finish my job.

My four conditions:

1. I need coffee.

2. I need vacation.

3. I need food.

4. I need tape, axe, saw, bag, shovel, and an alibi.

The cashier asked if I wanted to give my extra dollar to the poor. I said sure, and I got a Cash App notification for $1.

My parents found my YT channel. I hate myself now, and I'm emotional.

SELF HARM

My mom said if I'm awake playing Roblox still, she said she was going to bang my head against the keyboard. hxhdhduhxbsfj.

I like my clocks like I like people.

Under 12.

My friend just told me about reverse exorcisms.

In these, the demon tells the priest to get out of the child.

What's the similarity between my son and a rug from eBay? I asked for a refund.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I'll be a jaeger, will you be my kaiju?

What do the Twin Towers and my Mom have in common? They both went down on my dad.

I keep trying to call my emo friend. They keep hanging up.

1 like = 1 small dick whiny conservative in my blender.

Male Patient: So, I just pull my pants down and bend over for this prostate exam?

Doctor: Yep.

Male Patient: Ok, I'm ready. Hey! That doesn't feel like a finger.

Doctor: Yep, and I'm not even a doctor.

Me and my friends jumped some orphans. Who will they tell? Their parents?

Me and my friend are walking, we see a kid. My friend asks him why he's crying and if he lost his parents. He said, "Yeah." I slapped my friend because we were at an orphanage.

If I die, does my depression die with me?