My jokes

My sister thinks she's sooooo smart. She said that the only food that makes you cry is onions, therefore I threw a coconut at her.

Me: Dad, my phone is broken.

Dad: How?

Me: I clicked the home button, but I'm still at school.

Dad: Stupid.

I hit something when I pulled into my driveway.

And then I noticed that my cat was missing.

My 3 year old sister kept saying, "I like your cut, G." Every time she does, I dodge and close my eyes, but she's the one who always ends up running.

5 4 3 2 1. I love the huge bright sun. 5 4 3 2 1. My life has just begun. Though Akeld and Unkown, make me feel alone, they want be dead, and off with my head, and all I said was... NO FRICKIN' HATIN' IN THESE COMMENTS! WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!

Chenle: One time when I was younger, someone asked me how old I was and I forgot. I had to Wikipedia my age to remember.

Jisung: This is the richest thing I've ever heard in my life.

My friend is gonna release an air strike. There has to be at least 20 confirmed toilet kills.

My therapist told me time heals all wounds, so I stabbed him. Now we wait.

I should name my dog Ariana Grande.

That way I could say that I fucked Ariana Grande.

When my mom asks, "If your friend pays you to jump off a bridge, would you do it?" I say, "No, Mom... I'd do it for free!"

Old woman: You are such a darling child. Please come and see me again next year.

A year later, as child walks up to the door of the old lady's house...

Old woman: Oh my! Goodness sakes, child! Have you grown, or have I shrank???

Child: Both.

Are you a bullet? 'Cause you're stuck in my head.

My stepdad took me to work, and he told me I could climb trees.

I woke up in a hospital. Wait, did I mention that my stepdad was a lumberjack?

I go to get my mail.

Stranger: "Something fell out of your pocket! April fools!"

Me: "You're adopted, April fools!"

Then I see an orphan behind me and gets all excited.

On the first day of school, the teacher asked a student, "What are your parent's names?"

The student replied, "My father's name is Laughing and my mother's name is Smiling."

The teacher said, "Are you kidding?"

The student said, "No, Kidding is my brother, I am Joking."

What is the difference between Harry Houdini and everyone else in my life? Harry was the only person not to disappear.

This morning I woke up, then took a bath with some chocolate mud. At first, when I turned the damn flossers on, I noticed it wasn't water. It was all chocolate mud, and now my body is all chocolatey.

When I say, "Daddy," my stepbrother raises his head.

My pp.

I was given my electronics test today. Turns out it was given to me 'cause I have the same name as someone who got 54/59. I actually got my hopes up, too.