My jokes

You’re so fine that my zipper is falling for you.

My first football game was a lot like my first time having sex.

I was bloody, sore, and but at least my dad came.

I lost my virginity to a girl with Down syndrome.

I want my first time to be special.

What is the difference between runners and my car?

My car is still running.

I took my sister and cousin to a sleepover with lil Diddy, who my dad's friend has connections with.

I think the experience went fine, but they were traumatized. We got what we wanted.

My hotel tried to charge me ten dollars extra for air conditioning. That wasn’t cool.

What did the Pokémon say after having sex?

"My ball was sore!"

My girlfriend really wants me to get her pregnant so she would have a father figure in her life for once.

I told my brother if he wanted to have a wonderful first day of school, then he should put a cookbook in the women's sports section at the school library.

If I ever find the doctor who screwed up my limb replacement surgery... I’ll kill him with my bear hands.

To stop my password from getting hacked, I changed it to something difficult to crack: "StrongBrazilianNut111".

I'm Asian and there is a saying that dogs are man's best friends. They are my best friends because they keep me from starving.

I thought I saw a cool sticker on my office window, then I realized it was getting bigger and bigger.

My girlfriend's sister told me to write her a poem. This is what I came up with:

roses are red, violets are blue, if you ever feel alone, I'm always watching you.

My daughter has been writing letters asking Satan for gifts. Imagine my shock when I realized she has dyslexia.

My girlfriend went to Tokyo, and she died in the tsunami.

Since I was sad, my friend told me, "Don't worry, there's plenty more in the ocean."

Me explaining my child: when your mom is sitting on a table during her period, it's called the periodic table.

I told the ugly friend in my friend group that when they daydream, they shouldn't picture themselves because it will just ruin it.

Back in my day, the chicken dance was where the hen got raped by an angry pack of roosters.

I lost my virginity to a girl with Down syndrome. I wanted my first time to be special.