My jokes

Potato

    • Two old Indian ladies out picking potatoes, one lady stops, staring at this huge potato, turning it round and round.

    The other old lady says to her, "What are you doing?" She says, "These potatoes remind me of my husband's nuts."

    She says, "Oh my, are they really that big?" She said, "No, they're that dirty. lololol"

  • 3

    • Rapist

    • When I was very young...

    My classmates played a game called kiss chase. Some were really good at catching the girls and then kissing them.

    They are rapists now.

  • 2

    • Naruto

    • I told my friend to watch Naruto. It's been a week since I've seen him. Hope he comes back in one piece.

  • 2
    • My memes

    Girl

    • Two girls are at a play and are about to go on the stage.

    Ally before the other girl goes on stage: Break a leg!

    Rachel: Alright!

    On stage, Rachel trips over a stand and breaks her leg.

    Rachel calling backstage: I broke my leg!

    Building

    • Sorry for this Pick Up Line.

    Are you a building? Because I rate you 9/11, so let me put my plane in and let kids fall out.

  • 5

    • Pregnancy

    • What are the similarities between a 14-year-old pregnant girl and her unborn fetus?

    They are both thinking, "Oh sh*t, my mom's gonna kill me."

  • 7

    • Dad

    • What’s the difference between a boomerang and my dad?

    Only the boomerang came back. It’s been 14 years, where’s my dad?

    Incest

    • My sister asked me, "Brother, how do babies come into the world?" Then my mom said, "Be quiet and fuck your brother, darling."

    Is that the answer?

  • 0

    • Parachute

    • Chesley, in horror, runs out of the cockpit of the plane coming from London, "I'm so very sorry, everyone. I punched the wrong buttons, and we are heading to DC instead of New York, and we are about to run out of fuel." He opens the door and turns around to the five passengers and exclaimed, "I've parachutes but miscounted. We only got four for the passengers." He jumps off.

    Donald faced the other four and orders:

    "I'm the greatest leader of the world, and I'll make the decision. Tony, you go first. Our country needs you. The whole wide world needs you. Pandemic is raging."

    Tony jumps off.

    "Francis, my friend, you go next. Pandemic is ravaging the mind and body of millions. Their soul needs saving. Save Vladimir's and Xi's for me."

    Francis jumps off.

    Hillary faced Donald furiously. "Who are you to make decisions for us? I should have been president. I'm the smartest woman in the whole world in history."

    Hillary jumps off.

    Donald gazed at the young woman and started talking: "I'm an old man. I have already lived a full life - beautiful wives, children, just a beautiful life. Just beautiful. I've become president of the most powerful country, the most beautiful, the richest. Regrets? I've made a few but did it my way. Greta, go on. Your future is bright. I just wish I can make my country great again and have the chance to help save the world with you. I believe in second chances. Look at my bankruptcies, believe me. And I wish I've played more golf and..."

    Greta interjected, "Just shut the f* up. The plane is about to crash. Let's go and save the world. The smartest woman in history took my backpack!"

  • 2

    • Cock

    • My boyfriend recently asked me to suck his cock. I was kinda nervous because I’ve never tasted a dick, but he said it doesn’t taste that bad, so I’ll give it a shot.

  • 5