My jokes
The match: "Ur my match." The thighs: "You light me up."
Hey girl, are you a drill sergeant, because you have my privates' attention.
They toss and turn to the sound of thunder, but I got watermelon to soothe my slumber!
I love the way the Earth rotates.
It really makes my day!
My roommate's diary says I have boundary issues.
What's the difference between my girlfriend and my uncle?
My girlfriend didn't go to jail for loving me.
School teacher: "Hey kid, why don't you just go home to your family?"
Orphan: "My family never came back for me."
School teacher: "Your daddy must've really needed that milk."
My cousin asked me, "What do you think was going through Hitler's mind right before he died?"
I told him, "Probably a bullet."
Hey, I just found out my toaster is waterproof! :D
What's the difference between a trampoline and a dead baby?
I take my boots off before jumping on a trampoline.
Secretly, I’m a woman catfishing gay men on Grindr. When a notification from the app went off, my son told me, “I’ve heard that sound. Daddy has that game, too!”
The twin towers are just like my mom and dad, they went to work and never came back.
My relatives always teased me during weddings, saying, "You'll be next!"
But they stopped when I did the same to them during funerals.
I hate when my brother dates other people.
Just kidding! 😵😵😵😵
My boyfriend accused me of cheating. I told him he reminded me of my girlfriend.
My wife left a note on the fridge that said, "This isn't working." I'm not sure what she's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it's working fine! Lol.
What's the difference between an emo and my clothes?
My clothes don't hang themselves.
"I hope my death would make more sense than my life."- Joker
If I had a garden, I would put your tulips against my tulips... 🌷
I started crying when my dad was chopping onions.
Onions was such a good dog!