My jokes

I was crying because my dad was cutting onions...

Onions was a good dog.

White girl: So this crystal cures my depression and helps me lose weight?

Me holding a rock of meth: YES!!!

My grandpa is a great hero. He's the one who shot Hitler.

So, my girlfriend left me. I took her wheelchair, and she came back crawling.

My cousin is in a wheelchair and wanted to battle.

So I went up a step and said, "It's over Anakin, I have the high ground!"

My friend said my life was a joke.

No jokes have meaning.

My cousin asked me, "What do you think was going through Hitler's mind right before he died?"

I told him, "Probably a bullet."

My boyfriend accused me of cheating. I told him he reminded me of my girlfriend.

My wife left a note on the fridge that said, "This isn't working." I'm not sure what she's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it's working fine! Lol.

What's the difference between an emo and my clothes?

My clothes don't hang themselves.

What's the difference between my girlfriend and my uncle?

My girlfriend didn't go to jail for loving me.

School teacher: "Hey kid, why don't you just go home to your family?"

Orphan: "My family never came back for me."

School teacher: "Your daddy must've really needed that milk."

Hey, I just found out my toaster is waterproof! :D

If I send a clown to deliver flowers to my wife...

...is that a romantic jester?

If I had a garden, I would put your tulips against my tulips... 🌷

My relatives always teased me during weddings, saying, "You'll be next!"

But they stopped when I did the same to them during funerals.

Good night, sleep tight, wake up bright in the morning light, to do what's right, with all your might.

I started crying when my dad was chopping onions.

Onions was such a good dog!

"I hope my death would make more sense than my life."- Joker

I wish my grass were emo, so it would cut itself.