My jokes

Hey, Reaper!!! Where are you going?

"I finished my job."

What about me?

My gay ass: I want to find Jesus.

Religious mom: FINALLY!

Me: Grabs a noose.

For some reason, when my mom eats hot dogs, she likes to lick and suck on it first. As a son, can anyone tell me why?

Come, my children, to the bread cult!

in can re;ate to this its always going through my mind

You look nice, and you seem like good fun, so if I give you this flower, will you finger my bum?

All these jokes really hijacking my mind.

There was a little kid crying in the park today. I asked him where his parents were. Now I realize, man, I love my job.

My wife made electric eel for supper. I was shocked!

My girlfriend broke up with me, so I took her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?

Guys, help! I need advice to confess to my crush. I'm being for real right now, guys, help!

My wife said I had no sense of direction... so I packed my sh*t and left.

"You raise me up to stand on mountains," said the dwarf pornstar on my penis.

I can go to Walmart and scan my wrists. It'll say "antidepressants." ✨

What's the difference between me and my pencil sharpeners? Nothing, we're both broken.

One day my mom told me to take out the trash, and I did. The next day, mom asked me, "Where is your sister?" and I said, "A garbage truck took her." Mom started running to try and get the truck before it left.

My mom asked me if I was okay, so I replied, "I will be," and jumped out the window!

when you see a depressed kid, you walk up and say "wassup my lil barcode"

Why can't orphans go to the hospital? Because it is a family hospital. Sorry for the long break in between my jokes. I just had some family stuff, but I am back.

Don't let mistakes drag you down. My dad made one mistake, but it ended up fulfilling the 5-year plan of heat energy generation in less than a millisecond.