My jokes

Sometimes my battery life has the same recognition as me :(

So the coach got mad at me because I'm the only one on my team who is only a bit on the spectrum, and I was just keeping the ball to myself. The coach pulled me aside and said, "Pass to others." I said, "Why?" And he said, "There's no 'I' in 'team.'" I said, "Yeah, but there's an 'm' and an 'e.'"

My fucking life, cya.

Why did Helen Keller's cat run away? I would run away if my name was jufhvfhvurhkso.

I tore up my homework, but then I replaced it with this copy. It may look like it, but trust me, it's different! The answers ARE RIGHT, better than left!

I went to my sister's room one day. I saw a trophy, so I asked my sister how she won it. My sister said the neighbors gave it to her because she gave out the best hand jobs in the neighborhood. I guess my sister put her hands to good use.

John F. Kennedy: "Are you a bullet? Because I can't get you out of my head."

What do you call the worst joke ever?

Well, according to my mom, I am.

My sister gives her hamster to my brother since she thinks I'm irresponsible, so I throw it out the window.

A Texan and an Alaskan walk into a room, and the Alaskan says, "My state is bigger." Then the Texan says, "It won't be when it melts."

Feel my shirt...it's boyfriend material.

I just shed my pants.

What did the skeleton say to the other? "Wow, that song, 'Spooky Scary Skeletons,' really does send chills down my spine!"

I told my therapist I feel suicidal. He charged me in advance.

I farted in my grandma's breathing machine.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I've got a bouquet in my pants for you.

I’m a cashier at a grocery store, and when I’m bored, I draw on my hands with a pen. Well, this guy walks up to me and says, “You know, I got mental illnesses from drawing on myself.”

And so, without thinking, I said, “Well, I’ve already got those, so I think I’m fine...” 😳 He looked concerned. Oops lol.

While fucking, my sister said, "Brother, you are so naughty! You fucked our elder aunt every day in the absence of my uncle and cousins and made her pregnant!" Little did she know, I fucked our mother every day in the absence of her, my father, and my elder brother and made my mom pregnant as well!

Somebody told me a chemistry joke. I thought it was sodium funny, I slapped my neon that one.

I love the smell of my F5 key. It's very refreshing.