My grandpa unplugged the AC, so I unplugged his life support.
My Jokes
My friend just got a new house. He told me to make myself at home, so I threw him out. I hate visitors.
How many children does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Not 27, because my basement is still dark.
I was thinking of a good accident joke, and I asked my sister. She said, "you."
Sometimes I feel ugly, but then I think of my sister and I feel better.
What do you call pasta that’s made by a skeleton? A CREEPYpasta! (It’s my first one, lol)
I had a dog with an eating disorder.
He wouldn’t eat any of my homework.
So, I tell my friend a pun about Bach. She freaks out. Then I say, "I hope that wasn't too much to Handel. Don't let it Strauss you out."
For all of my musicians out there!
My therapist told me, "Time to heal all wounds," so I shot him in the nuts.
Now we wait...
It was dinner in the plane, and the flight attendant asked the passenger if he would like dinner.
"What are my choices?" the passenger said.
"Yes or no," the flight attendant replied.
I've got 99 problems and one of them is that I count my problems instead of solving them.
My girlfriend told me to stop playing Pokemon as it was childish.
I started thrashing about and roared, “You don’t have enough badges to control me!”
Yo mama so stupid, she said, "Where are my gifts?" on Father's Day.
My mother really hates my dad for some reason. Maybe it was because he cheated on her, or maybe because it was her mom. Either way, it really ruined her birthday.
My nan must really love the quiet game, she's been playing it for ages.
What is the only warm organ in a dead woman?
My dick!
POV: Someone stole Michael Jackson's baby: "He he stole my bab(y), he he."
I only got one question wrong on my biology test yesterday.
The question was, "What is most commonly found in a cell?"
Apparently, "Black People" wasn't the right answer.
While an unsuspecting father's at the office making money, this 18 year old son will spend his day in mother's cunny.
We're at the breakfast table, father eats and takes his calls, he doesn't know my mother's toes are kneading at my balls.
I heard that to slow the growth of fire, you use a flame retardant.
So I threw my stupid son in the flames when my house caught on fire!
