My jokes
I am trying to re-comment something that used to be on here, but is no longer on here.
Here are some rules to make a good joke:
1: Don't say “my life.”
2: Proofread your joke and make sure people can read it/have good grammar in it.
3: And don’t repost things (although this last one is hypocritical because this was me trying to repost something, but it is still a good rule to go by).
My doctor said, "You have 1 year to live."
I said, "You wanna bet?"
Bam, a gunshot!
Two girls have a sleepover.
Karen: Let's go to bed.
Lauren: Fine, but it's early.
*Karen wakes up and exits room*
*Lauren hears noise*
Mikey: You're so much better than my girlfriend, Karen.
Lauren: *laughs*
Lauren: *remembers her boyfriend is Karen's brother, Mikey*
My old platoon sergeant always told me the hardest thing when walking through a field of dead babies was... his cock.
Man: I got fired from my job at the calendar factory.
Lady: What did you do?
Man: I took a day off...
I was going to share my joke about anal, but, fuck it, it was inappropriate.
My friend threw a soccer ball at a disabled kid.
We all yelled "Rocket league!"
How many babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
More than 10, since my basement's still dark.
dont make jokes about the accident my dad died in it he was the best pilot in all of Saudi Arabia :(
A guy runs into a bar and yells, “Quick! How tall is a penguin?”
The bartender says, “Three feet tall.”
The guy says, “Oh my God! I just ran over a nun!”
I said to my pregnant wife, "Push, darling, come on, push harder, dear!" No, she wasn't giving birth; the bloody car would not start.
Me: Would you like to be the sun in my life?
Her: Awww... Yes!!!
Me: Good, then stay 92.96 million miles away from me.
My ex was an orphan as a child.
I should have taken that as the first sign.
If her parents didn't want her, why would I?
A guy stole my car last night. Before dialing 911 I thought, "Fuck it. Let him explain the dead bodies in the trunk."
My sister said that you know that "that" is really cool. Then I said, "You know you can shut up."
My teacher asked everyone how tall their grandparents were. I responded, "My grandpa is 5ft 10, and my grandma is -6ft."
I'll never forget my Grandad's last words... "Son, where did you get a grenade from?!"
My syndrome may be down, but my hopes are up.
My aunt visited and saw all of the stuff around the house my mom had kept over the years and said, "If you have something that no one likes, and it only makes people upset, or it's useless, throw it away."
The next time my aunt visited, she said, "Where is your daughter?"
My mom said, "I took your advice."
I wanted to play as Kobe Bryant on my gaming console, but the game kept crashing.