My jokes

If the average male walks 1.7 miles a day, then why did my dad take 13 years to get the milk?

Sans: haha... Paps: what? Sans: i KNEW it was gonna rain today. Paps: that's nearly impossible, how? Sans: i could feel it in my bo- Paps: OH MY GOD STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Me: A lot of things changed since I got my wife pregnant.

Friend: Like what?

Me: My name, my address, my phone number...

Sometimes I wish I could use my school scissors on my heart.

Where did my rabbit go?

*crunch*

Is that my student?

Na! It is Jesus!

My dad said I should look if I could move a log. Well, he had to go get milk.

My sister said that if you go to a random person's door, the sister will all Waze open it.

So when my parents say no to "isms," I say, "Can I be homophobic?"

"So what, ah, my G?"

Me: Hey, do you want to meet my grandma?

Friend: Yeah, sure.

Me: *pulls out gun*

"Hee hee touch my pp."

What's the difference between a Ferrari and 100 dead babies?

I don't have a Ferrari in my garage.

My ex's dad died while she was texting me. She said she had a boyfriend, but I told her I had a dad.

No offense to anyone though. I don’t understand why everyone is bullying a person named Gwen?

My opinion is well “it’s just a regular person wanting to do jokes. You never know. It could be an adult or a kid.”

So leave her alone. Thank you. 😁

What did the SS say when A.H. was running out of ideas?

"You Wannsee my 'final solution'?"

Look at my name and you'll see the joke (read it out loud).

My dad died in the 9/11 attack. He was a good pilot.

Me: Looks like a girl, sure as h3ll I don't sound like one.

Michael Jackson: Looks like a boy, sure as h3ll don't sound like one.

That [is] what we have i[n] commen, but if you mix up my gender I won't give a F about it. Michael Jackson not so much : )

My mom said, "Take out the trash," but I couldn't find you.