My jokes

There's no Asian kids in my class, but it just happens to be the rice store and the pet store just ran out of stock...

You guys, this is my last time publishing something here. You guys have been sending rude comments, and I need to work on my mental health. Goodbye.

Cereal is like... breakfast soup made out of corn flakes.

Ketchup is like... a smoothie because of the tomato.

Coffee is like... a bean drink energizer.

My life is like... the shoe rack-

I’m not religious, but you’re the answer to all of my prayers.

She be hubba on my bubba till I gum.

My girlfriend broke up with me, so I stole her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?

I was walking down the street and saw a kid and I said, "Are you an orphan?"

He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?"

I said, "Your parents at first."

My sis told me that onions are the only food that can make you cry...

So I threw a coconut at her.

My mom told me that Africans don't have food, so I shipped my fat-ass brother.

Your mama's so fat that she can’t even talk, even if Kevin says, "Oh my gosh!" 'cause she has a big ass mouth.

I had asked my dog what 2 - 2 is...

She said nothing.

I have a lot of money, but I don't waste it.

So people call me poor until they see my bank account.

Why did the duck walk across the road? I lost my pecker!

What's the difference between a boomerang and my dad?

The boomerang comes back.

I asked a kid at my work where his parents were. He started crying. Man, I don't know what I did. I'll ask another kid at the orphanage.

I wondered why there was red all over my bathroom til I found out that my sis had dyed her hair red. Man, it looked like somebody died in there! Lol.

My son caught me masturbating. He asked me, "What are you doing?" and I said, "Don't worry, son, you'll be doing it soon." He asks, "Why is that?" and I said, "My arm's getting tired."

My girlfriend just broke up with me because I held a door for another girl. She said I was cheating, but the girl I helped was in a wheelchair.

Me when my girlfriend comes home, I check her phone and there are 100 texts from a different guy asking her out, and her text says yes.

Get the whip, you're out!

One day my dog died because we couldn't find him. Then we got a cat on the same day. Then my cat went missing, and when I was crying, we heard our Asian neighbor was having a party. Then we went over and I saw my dog and cat on the grill, and they ate them in front of me, saying "yum yum doggy in my tummy and cat in my tummy as well."