My jokes

I was watching The Perfect Murder with my boyfriend. It was a good movie, but the weird thing was that my boyfriend was taking notes throughout the whole movie.

I told the ugly friend in my friend group that when they daydream, they shouldn't picture themselves because it will just ruin it.

My dad died in 9/11, he was a great pilot.

Wanna see my pp again?

Wow! The jokes on here are so dark they pick my cotton!

I snorted a line of coke off my 8-year-old sister’s tiny prepubescent vag. She just laid there and let me do it without complaining, probably because she was already dead.

Today was the worst day of my life. My ex got hit by a school bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.

Me explaining my child: when your mom is sitting on a table during her period, it's called the periodic table.

I have a dead fish in my lunchbox.

My boss doctor said that we are getting a surgeon coming in tomorrow. I'm super excited to work with him. The next day, we had to do our first-ever open heart surgery, so me and the surgeon spent many hours on this patient. We finished the surgery and went outside for a smoke, and we were talking. I said, "Why did you keep the patient's blood on your glove?"

He replied, "We in my free time I test it for anything diseases, HIV." The next day, I got invited to his house, and we had some drinks. I said, "This is amazing red tea. What is in it?" Just the 2000 people you have cut open.

What did the llama say when the villagers said that he had to leave the village?

"Alpaca my bags."

It was an important knockout game for Al Nassr. I came to Riyad to see my idol Cristiano Ronaldo play. It was my dream for a long time. I took a cab to the stadium, but the driver dropped me off at a haunted house instead.

As soon as I entered the house, I saw a ghost, but the very next moment I realized it's my idolo Ronaldo. Thank you Ronaldo for meeting me!

There's no Asian kids in my class, but it just happens to be the rice store and the pet store just ran out of stock...

You guys, this is my last time publishing something here. You guys have been sending rude comments, and I need to work on my mental health. Goodbye.

Cereal is like... breakfast soup made out of corn flakes.

Ketchup is like... a smoothie because of the tomato.

Coffee is like... a bean drink energizer.

My life is like... the shoe rack-

I’m not religious, but you’re the answer to all of my prayers.

She be hubba on my bubba till I gum.

My girlfriend broke up with me, so I stole her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?

I was walking down the street and saw a kid and I said, "Are you an orphan?"

He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?"

I said, "Your parents at first."

My sis told me that onions are the only food that can make you cry...

So I threw a coconut at her.