My jokes
I hate my stupid wrinkly ring doing f, dad!
Someone glued my deck of cards together. I don't know how to deal with it.
My crush rejected me 2 years ago, and I still have never moved on. I'll be over her when a train is over me.
The Twin Towers ordered a pepperoni pizza. They got plane.
My mom gives me your stuff because you have bad grades.
Me: How about my 5 little brothers? I have A's; he has F's.
She lets him play anyway and I don't.
When my bro says "YOUR MOM" when I'm talking when I'm at school, and my friend says "YOUR MOM," me punches him;-;
After I see an anime boy acting cool,
Me at school acting cool:
My brothers: "He's just acting cool."
Me: I'm gonna kill u 0.0
My mom and dad: KIDS COME DOWNSTAIRS TO EAT! Me: What's for dinner? Mom and Dad: Food.
The next day KIDS COME DOWNSTAIRS FOR FOOD! My brother and sister: What's for dinner? Me: Food ;-;
My mom calls me.
Me: WHAT MOM?
No answer.
Me: WHAT?
When I'm chilling and a little kid ruins my moment.
My mom always said garlic powder makes everything better, so I sprinkled some on my divorce papers and my wife's broken leg.
My friend Josh made a joke about Liam's nonexistent hairline, even though Josh has massive ears and his face looks like a monkey's... if they were white.
My friend Josh made a joke about Liam's hairline, even though his ears are so big and his face looks like a monkey... if they were white.
They laughed at my drawing, so I laughed at their chalk outline.
My friend Liam has a hairline [if you can even call it a hairline] so bad it keeps going back for miles.
My wife told me she’ll slam my head into the keyboard if I don’t get off the computer.
I’m not too worried—I think she’s jokingdkdkslalkdlkfjslfjslksdlkfjuahehwhgwdklaljdf.
I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was just a kid.
Oh wait, I'm thinking of...
Once my girlfriend asked me to give her lipstick, and I accidentally gave her the glue stick.
She won't talk to me anymore.
My dad has a pretty shitty job.
My friend: I want to cut myself.
Me: No, don’t do that. *hands lighter* Do this instead.