I'm so depressed, I gave my therapist trauma.
My Jokes
What is the difference between preschools and my basement?
Little kids come out of preschool.
My grandma's got 99 problems, but a fat butt ain't one of 'em.
My grandmother made her passage on a boat. The thing wasn’t the only thing that went down.
When your boy tries to have a bad day while you're on your period:
Oh, you have a cold? How rude of me. I just laid an egg, and now my body is ripping down the walls of my uterus. But can I get you a tissue?
Why could you not see the guy in my dark closet?
The guy was black.
(True story) Today I was bringing some tortilla chips upstairs for some chips and dip, and I dropped them, so my mom goes “Oh, now they’re broken.”
And I took an opportunity to make a pun, so I said, “No, they’re just chipped.”
Yo mama so ugly,
my screen cracked when she took her photo!
I keep trying to call my emo friend. They keep hanging up.
Me: Pretend your name is “puberty.”
Friend: Ok?
Me: I'mma hit puberty!
*hits my friend*
Me: The last time I used Duolingo was when the dinosaurs went extinct.
Duolingo: Lemme send my twins 2 go 2 ur houze (I got sideways8 twins)
What did Mickey Mouse say to Minnie Mouse: "I don't use condoms; I use my drawbridge."
So, I accidentally just tipped over my paralyzed sister.
Your forehead [is] so big scientists measured it, studied it, and then finally they said: "Oh my God... your forehead is so big it's a 50 mile car ride from your eyebrows to your hair!"
Hairline is so far up, Patrick Mahomes can't even sell to a wide receiver.
"Hey, today was great!"
"What happened?"
"I ran into my ex today."
"What's so great about that?"
"I was in my car!"
HELP! I MIGHT BE A RELIGIOUS EXTREMIST BECAUSE MY RHYMES ARE DA BOMB.
When my family goes to weddings, my senior relatives tell me things like “You’re next!” So I started doing the same to them at funerals.
Someone said to stop hurting myself, but I'm still trying to cut my arms off.
My bad, but you stink so bad you passed by a trashcan and it yelled, "Wow! I didn't know I had family!"
