My jokes

Mama

    • Your mama's so fat that she can’t even talk, even if Kevin says, "Oh my gosh!" 'cause she has a big ass mouth.

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    • Money

    • I have a lot of money, but I don't waste it.

    So people call me poor until they see my bank account.

    Orphanage

    • I asked a kid at my work where his parents were. He started crying. Man, I don't know what I did. I'll ask another kid at the orphanage.

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    • Red

    • I wondered why there was red all over my bathroom til I found out that my sis had dyed her hair red. Man, it looked like somebody died in there! Lol.

    Masturbation

    • My son caught me masturbating. He asked me, "What are you doing?" and I said, "Don't worry, son, you'll be doing it soon." He asks, "Why is that?" and I said, "My arm's getting tired."

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    • Girlfriend

    • My girlfriend just broke up with me because I held a door for another girl. She said I was cheating, but the girl I helped was in a wheelchair.

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    • Girlfriend

    • Me when my girlfriend comes home, I check her phone and there are 100 texts from a different guy asking her out, and her text says yes.

    Get the whip, you're out!

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    • Neighbor

    • One day my dog died because we couldn't find him. Then we got a cat on the same day. Then my cat went missing, and when I was crying, we heard our Asian neighbor was having a party. Then we went over and I saw my dog and cat on the grill, and they ate them in front of me, saying "yum yum doggy in my tummy and cat in my tummy as well."

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    • Money

    • What's the last thing Asians hear from their parents?

    "My money is my money. Your money is my money. Your wife's money is my money. Always remember that, son."

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    • Lecture

    • Today I got a lecture from my mother, and congratulated her. Why?

    Because she managed not to damage me in a physical fashion.

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