My jokes

People ask me if my friend jumps off a bridge, will I go as well? Of course not. I am a leader; I will go first, my friend will jump after me!

What is the difference between me and the Twin Towers?

My mom was only airplane feeding me a spoon.

I was walking down the street when I saw my ex-girlfriend, so I fucked her. Turns out it was her identical twins that she never told me about.

And I decided to confront her. So I did the next time I saw her, but this time it was her identical triplet. There are 3 of them...

AND SHE NEVER BROUGHT THAT UP IN THE 7 YEARS I WAS DATING HER!

When I die, I'll let everyone I kept dear lower my coffin into the ground.

So they can let me down one last time.

Tell your mom happy last night. 🍆 in my bed.

I would have a joke for my friend... but he can't afford the punchline.

I should probably stop making jokes about 9/11.

My dad died to it, he was a great pilot.

I, for one, wish Donald Trump was President again. It's been a while since we had a presidential assassination.

Say my name if you like "Breaking Bad."

Me and my friend were cranking 90s in Fortnite, then our other friend joined, started flying a plane. We died like all the people in 9/11.

My boner had better structural support than the Twin Towers.

Worst joke ever: me and my user.

My classmate, Hailey Legacy.

My girlfriend's dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. It just made her more upset. She screamed at me and said, "What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?"

Once I was riding my bike and saw a $5. I jumped off and died.

I cried when my dad cut up onions. Onions was a good dog.

*Me walking into the nail salon* Hi, I'm here for my 3:45 appointment.

*Nail tech:* Ok, sweety, come and sit down.

*Me sits down in the chair*

*Nail tech:* You want long nail, short nail? Um, long nail. You want boyfriend?!! Yes, ma'am. Ok, let me work magic. Ok.

*gives me short nail* Bro, I asked for long nail, but you said BF, but u look lesbian.

*walks out without paying*

*Nail tech gives money to a customer* There u win.

*customer:* I told u she would.

What did the orphan say to its parents?

"Hey, Mom and Dad—oh wait, you're not my parents. I don't have none. Will you adopt me, please?"

They people: "No."

Magician: "I am the greatest magician in the whole world. Look, now you see the rabbit in the hat, and now it is gone!"

Redneck girl: "That's nothing. My dad is the greatest magician! He disappears for a whole year and reappears at Christmas for a couple of hours!"

Your hairline and my grandpa go wayyyyy back.