My jokes

My sister's pregnant, I'm gonna be a dad!

I had to stop drinking because I got tired of waking up in my car, driving 90.

My dad came out of my step-sister's room as I came out of my step-mum's room.

my therapist told me that time heals wounds i stabbed him now we wait

I don't got a pencil or pen in this bookbag. Added like ten to the clip 'cause it look bad. Don't give a fuck if you pissed, nigga, get mad. Or you can bitch and get killed with your bitch ass. Lil' bro got blood on his shirt with his Crip ass. Go write a diss and get murked, don't do shit ass. Bitch, I'm a star, I might burst with my stiff ass. Hop out the car like, "Who want it? Who with that?" I don't know nothin', I was gone when they did that. Bandana wrapped where my chrome and my wig at. If he want beef, hit his home with a Big Mac. Niggas be breakin' the code like a Kit-Kat. Runnin' your mouth like a ho get you bitch-slapped.

My enemy told me I’m adopted, so I told him at least I got adopted.

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing, and his eyes are glazed.

The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?"

The operator says, "Calm down. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead."

There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says, "OK, now what?"

My girlfriend's a two, but she's turning three tomorrow.

I asked my dad to come to my Father’s Day breakfast.

The orphanage worker just said, “Don’t be silly!”

Me: If my face looked like yours, I would sue my parents.

Sensei: That’s funny, because when your parents dropped you off at the temple, they got a fine for littering.

Cop: Hehe, that’s funny because I gave them the fine!

My grandma used to beat the hell out of me for coming home late. Guess who's late now?

Instead of the line, "This girl's on fire," my friend can relate to, "The baby in the oven's on fire, and I need to take it the f*ck out!"

One day I was at school, and this girl had the nerve. She told me to go to the back of the line. I was looking behind me, and she said, "What are you looking for?" I said, "To who [are] you talking to, boo boo?" Like, is you you my momma?

Finally my father came early from office today. I am very happy.

He was fired from his job.

Ching chong kading dong.

(My best words ever used).

My name is Jamar and I come from afar, ALLAHU AKBAR!

Banker: I have the right to take your money!

Me: Check my name.

Banker: Robin D. Bank, why?

Banker: *realizes*

Me: 😈🖐️ Gimme, gimme.

Someone stole my mood ring. I don't know how to feel about that.

Celebrating Mother's Day is confusing, says my cousin.

I asked my sister to say something.

She said, "No."

That's what I like to hear.