My jokes

My friend is an amazing hacker. He cut down 23 trees already.

To stop my password from getting hacked, I changed it to something difficult to crack: "StrongBrazilianNut111".

Today on a drive, I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the people living there if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door in my face.

My parents are the worst.

I have a vest. If I cut off my arms, it's a jacket!

I told my friend that there was a tree. On that tree, there were four black chickens. I asked how many beaks do the chickens have. He said four.

Then I said there was a white cat. How many teeth does it have? He couldn't answer, so I said, "Looks like you know more about black cocks than white pussy."

I cried when my mom started to cut up onions... onions was a good dog.

This isn’t much of a joke, but here's a pickup line. Are you a marshmallow? Because I wanna put my stick in you.

There are 206 bones in my body.

When I look at you, it becomes 207.

Imagine there’s a funny joke here. Imagine it? Great! Now check yourself into an insane asylum because you’re schizophrenic.

What is the only warm organ in a dead woman?

My dick!

A guy walks into a bar with a revolver and yells, “WHO THE FUCK FUCKED MY WIFE!”

A man in the back responds, “YOU AIN'T GOT ENOUGH BULLETS MATE!”

I was digging in my garden when I found this chest of gold coins.

I wanted to run inside to tell my wife what I found, but that's when I remembered why I was digging.

My wife wanted something that went from 0 to 80 very quickly.

So I brought her a new bathroom scale.

I finally asked my deadbeat dad what makes him happy. His answer? He hasn't gotten back to me.

What is the difference between the pizza guy and my dad?

The pizza guy shows up when you call him.

My Chinese friend died recently, So Yung.

My 2 year old Asian baby cant do calculus Look who in sweatshop now

If you scanned my thigh, it would show up as a package of Oreos on the screen.

My dad never came back with the milk. My mom told me he's in the army.

My mom has a toy that I see all the girls and guys seem to play with, and the toy is between my mom's legs.