My jokes

Are you my pantry? Because you look like a snack ;)

I was digging and found some gold. I was going to tell my mom, then I remembered why I was digging.

Why did Helen Keller’s dog run away?

I would too if my name was Braille.

Guys, we shouldn't make jokes about 9/11. My dad was a victim.

He was the best pilot in Arab.

My sister's friends are hilarious, like seriously, haha.

What's the difference between my mum and my dad?

My mum stayed.

I would tell you a joke about my dink, but it's too long.

Can you be my daddy? 🍌😘😉

This is how my mom always threatens me: "I brought you into this world, I can bring you out of it too." That's why I only have 2 siblings left.

I wonder where the bodies are?

My sister says I’m annoying, or that’s what I read in her diary.

Ohh my god, it's a dinosaur with a huge ass mothafuckin' noseeee!!!!

Hey everyone, I'm back because I'm sinking back towards depression because my sister is really being a bitch, and my parents always side with her, and the stress over online school is just getting overwhelming, and I'm seriously considering hanging myself to end it all because the pain is just... terrible, and I feel like I'm not worth life.

Hello, are you there?

Yes, who are you?

My name is Watt.

What’s your name?

Watt’s my name.

Yes, what is your name?

My name is John Watt.

John What?

Yes, are you Jones?

No, I’m Knott.

Will you tell me your name?

Will Knott.

Why not?

My name is Knott.

Not what?

Not Watt, Knott!

*hangs up*

I took my mother-in-law out today...

I love being a sniper.

My girlfriend got ran over by a bus. I lost my job as a bus driver.

I know I've changed my name from tj to selfish king but know it's gunna be selfishking#781.

I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been googling my name on her computer.

I saw it through my telescope last night.

What were my great grandpa's last words?

"SHIT MG42!!!"

Me and my wife were out at dinner. Me being 48 and her being 19, people were screaming at us and calling me a creep. It really ruined our 10th anniversary.

Read my name. 👍🇮🇪