My jokes

Can we stop talking about 9/11? I lost my dad in it.

He was a great pilot.

My grandpa died in 9/11. He was a great pilot.

My dad is so good at hiding, even the FBI can't find him.

I worry about him sometimes.

Hey, my sister said you're Mattick, so I decided to swim with her and she threw a ball at me, so I went to my dad and she said, "Why did you tell dad?" She was crying because I’m not getting a car seat.

What do the Twin Towers and my ad's condom both have in common?

They both broke and everybody cried.

My tower is hard, but after six minutes, it fell over.

An orphan once said, "I will call my mum and go home."

A homeless kid once said he will go home.

My wife told me to hang her the salt, so I beat the shit out of her. My name's Kyle, by the way.

I was cutting the vegetables and my mom asked how I was so skillful.

Me: Do you like cobble?

My friend: No.

Me: Gobble deez nuts!

Dentist said I grind in my sleep... he a real one for that.

My brother: What are you looking at?

Me: A mistake.

My friend died. Me and my other bestie start singing the coffin song. My bestie in the coffin, why are you not sad? Why are you still alive?

My friend is an emo. I asked why he wears black. He said, "Black like my soul." I just walked away.

My friend asks me what does "idk" mean. I said, "I dion't know." My friend says, "You mean I don't know." I said, "That's what I said!"

I barged into a Halloween party at my school with my air-soft AR-15!

I was so scary, EVERYONE ran away!

My son came up to me and said, "Mom, where are your parents?"

I stared in confusion. I said, "In a far place."

He asked, "In an orphanage?"

I like my women like I like my wine. 16 years old and locked in a basement.

Fatty told Skinny, "Do you have any food? My stomach is empty and I haven't eaten."

Skinny replied to Fatty, "Well, doesn't seem like you need food, you ate the whole universe instead!"

I heard that Uranus is pronounced "yuuranus," but it reminded me of urine! 😆