My jokes

Necrophilia

  • Is it necrophilia if they die while you're having sex and you just don't realize?

    That's what happened to my dog.

  • 6
  • Ball

  • Jesse: Do you like my ball?

    Mike: Yes, they are very big. I can’t even fit them in my mouth. You bought a new ball, right?

    Jesse: No, they do not leave me.

  • 1
  • Daughter

  • One morning a dad was sitting and watching TV. His daughter comes in and says, "Dad! Why is my name Rose?" He replied, "Oh! It's because when you were born a rose petal fell on your head." "Cool," Rose said.

    The second daughter walked in and said, "Dad! Why is my name Daisy?" He replied, "Oh! It's because when you were a baby, a daisy petal fell on your head." "Awesome," Daisy said.

    The third daughter came in and said, "DuUuBuDuRDeEDeRdUuUuU!!!" "SHUT UP CINDER BLOCK!!!"

  • 4
  • Orphan

  • I was visiting an orphanage and started to pull in close to the building. My car hit 3 speed bumps, and it caught me off guard. I got out of my car, looked under my tire, and saw three orphans wedged in my tire. I started to get worried, but then I thought to myself... nobody will miss them.

  • 2
  • Daughter

  • One morning a dad was sitting and watching TV.

    His daughter comes in and says, "Dad! Why is my name Rose?" He replied, "Oh! It's because when you were born, a rose petal fell on your head." "Cool," Rose said.

    The second daughter walked in and said, "Dad! Why is my name Daisy?" He replied, "Oh! It's because when you were a baby, a daisy petal fell on your head." "Awesome," Daisy said.

    The third daughter came in and said, "DuUuUDeEeEeDrrrrrrrrr!!!" "SHUT UP, CINDER BLOCK!!!"

  • 1
  • Ball

  • Don't tell me I haven't got balls. I just happen to wear mine on my chest, and I can guarantee they're a lot bigger than yours!

    Pregnancy

  • What are the similarities between a 14-year-old pregnant girl and her unborn fetus?

    They are both thinking, "Oh sh*t, my mom's gonna kill me."

  • 7