My jokes
My friend said not to look down on me. I said I can't because I'm shorter than her.
The guy who stole my diary just died. My thoughts are with his family.
If R. Kelly was a therapist:
14 year old: I hate my life.
R. Kelly: I feel you.
My ex was an orphan as a child.
I should have taken that as the first sign.
If her parents didn’t want her, why would I?
An orphan boy at my school did really bad in a test and started crying.
I said, “Don’t worry, your parents won’t say anything.”
You might think that tigers or lions are the best jumpers, but in my opinion, it's emos, because some of them are still in the air.
What did the plane say to the tower? "Yo, can I crash at your place for a bit, and can my boy crash at your boy's place?"
I asked my boyfriend who his favorite motivational speaker was. He said Andrew Tate. I told him the BEST motivational speaker was Stephen Hawking.
Once when I was 6, I had a massive crush on a girl in my grade. She liked me too, and we kissed under a tree.
Next day, same spot, but now she's pregnant. That stupid dad stole my girl!
I decided today that I was going to do something with my life, something amazing, and I decided to punch a homeless man.
What's a native chick say after sex?
"Get off me, Dad, you're crushing my smokes!"
My friend was feeling low today, so I went up to her and said, "You know, I would hang in there if I was you, swaying through life." I don't think she likes me now.
Friend: What are you doing?
Me: Putting peanut butter on my balls.
Friend hears in the distance, "Orphans, I have food for you!"
My wife left a note on the fridge that said, “This isn’t working.”
I’m not sure what she’s talking about. I opened the fridge door, and it’s working fine!
What's the difference between my dad and cancer?
My dad didn't beat the cancer.
My uncle died on 9/11. Her last words were "Allahu Akbar."
I look at an orphanage, then hug my mum. He just looks sad and crude because he couldn’t find his mum.
Guy, it was so weird yesterday. I saw a guy, and he kept repeating the same thing over and over. I hate people with dementia. I told my mom to get a new mirror, but she won’t listen to me. It’s almost like I said it like 20 times every time I say it.
I can't believe the suicide hotline put my cousin on hold. They left him hanging.
Roses are red, I am Groot, Honey, where's my super suit?