My jokes

I’m gonna put my AR 15 up your fucking ass and pull the trigger!

My dad died in 9/11. He was a great pilot.

My wife called me a pedo. That's a big word for a 6 year old.

Can someone be my daddy?

I saw a kid crying yesterday, so I asked him, "Where are your parents?"

Bad move, I got fired from my job at the Orphanage.

Your mom said my cum tastes like Captain Crunch, bitch.

What’s the difference between a pornstar covered in slime and The White Stripes?

One has "Icky Thump," and the other does "icky hump."

Why did the terrorists crash?

They were doing the job they loved but not getting paid.

Lol.

I wish I was dead like my jokes.

I think my dad loves jokes.

Because he laughs when he looks at me.

"(My beard actually connects.)" "Like the connection you never had with your father."

For my birthday on September 11th this year, I just want a plane, but delicious, chocolate cake.

As a son, I am so worried about the phone call message that my mom got from a member of The CDC. It was on speaker, so me and mom both hear. The message told my mom that she needs to personally isolate because two of the new symptoms is having big titties and a great personality.

My uncle is an alchemist.

He can turn 3 bottles of beer into 4 hours of abuse.

What do you call it when a man named Ned works at Panera Bread?

Panera Ned.

I'm on a roll with my jokes, right now!

I will never forget my grandpa's last words, Hold the ladder!

Credit to my boy tippecanoe3 for this joke.

What do you call it when Panera isn’t hungry?

Panera fed.

Credit to RogueRobot for this one:

What does Panera sleep in?

Panera bed.

What do you call it when an orphan goes to Panera Bread?

"Panera, my parents are dead."

I was sitting in class, and the teacher said he wasn't disappointed in me and my best friend, but not so much in me.

I looked at my best friend and said, "I'm a disappointment to the teacher, too."

Why did my parents walk to the other side?

...Why?