My Jokes

During Halloween, my friend went as a skeleton.

He refused to go into the haunted house. Looks like he was SPINE-LESS.

Yo mama's so fat, I swerved to miss her in my car and ran out of gas.

I got barred from Weight Watchers today.

It wasn't my fault; it was the fat ass next to me who spilled her box of Maltesers onto the floor in the middle of the room. All I did was say that it was the funniest game of Hungry Hungry Hippos that I have ever seen.

"I think my draco might be gay. Why? 'Cause he blow niggas."

Nardo Wick

I know your name is baller cause I'm gonna put my baller into yo MOTHER HOLLER!

I got fired my first day at the bank. This old lady told me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

I'd tell a joke about how my mom was abusive, but I either forgot everything, or she just wasn't there.

Tell me a joke about my hairline.

No, because he don't got one, feel like Donald Trump, it don't move.

Hello! I'm Taylor, and this is my life story with me and my ex girl. So when I was little, I met this girl. Her name was Leah. We were besties for a while until I turned 13. Then I asked if she wanted to date me. She said yes!

But one day, in the middle of school, she was talking to another man!!!!!!! AND THEY HUGGED AND KISSED EACH OTHER ON THE CHEEK!!!!!! Then, she told me she hated me. I was so upset!!!!!!!! Whatever you do, don't follow the ugly rat!!!!!!!!! <3

Are you a hotdog stand? 'Cause you make my hotdog stand ;)

Knock, knock.

You suck my iron with you and mommy.

My fish died, and I didn't do anything. I just took my fish for a walk.

I put this joke so the amount of jokes will be 69. Also, I have 50 kids in my basement. I fed "Twinkies" last night.

My dad in 9/11; he was the best pilot.

Hey dude, can you spell IHOP?

Sure, man. I. H. O. P.

Wait, you ate my pee!!!

Your hairline is so far back that even my dad wasn't fetching the milk back then.

My friend told me an EMO joke once, and I said, "EMO jokes aren't funny, cut it out!"

What were my final words to Putin before I put a bullet through his head?

Answer: Putin, put out!

Hey guys, it's Hailey here.

I'ma start off with henlo ;-;

I know you guys aren't going to believe me because of the assholes who were faking to be me, but if you can try to believe me, I'll explain.

So, Jake, we can't really be together anymore, since we no longer can chat. I'm so sorry.

Basically, my parents caught us on here as you realized. Yayyyy.

I don't have time to say anything else. So I've gotta go, but thankyou guys for everything you did for me.

Also, you won't get any response from me so yea. So sorry guys ;-;

Short girl: "How do you see up there?"

Tall guy: "Who said that?"

I spit my drink out and then ran away.