My jokes

My grandpa is a great hero. He's the one who shot Hitler.

I have fuck and sex with all the sexy naked ladies and they suck my balls (penis), but you ain't have no girlfriend. Your only friend, they call him ching chong coz of your hairline.

I might not be able to make my bed, but at least I can get out of it.

Guy: Hey, Siri, I failed my final exams, can you cheer me up?

Siri: What’s the difference between you and your grandma? Your grandma passed!

Me and my friend (rope) like hanging out.

Today I asked my phone, Siri, why am I still single?

And I activated the front camera! 😭😭😭😭😭

My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face.

I'll never forget my grandpa's last words:

"You need to park a little closer."

My sister told me a joke.

All she said was "my life."

I'll always remember my grandpa's last words.

"Are you getting the knife?"

What did the racist Catholic priest say?

"Martin Luther? Not my king!"

I was digging in our garden and found a chest full of gold coins. I wanted to run straight home to tell my wife about it. Then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.

I was crying when my dad was cutting onions.

Onions was such a good dog.

I'll never forget my grandpa's last words.

"Are you still holding the ladder?"

My cousin: “How’s the lemonade stand supposed to run when you’re at softball practice?!”

Me: “Lemonade stands can’t run, dufus.”

P.S. My brother made this up when he had no meds... I almost died.

What does ATM stand for?

Answer: Amy’s Terrible Mom.

😂🤣

Here is a story, my best friend was Chinese, his name was Chong-king. I took him to a restaurant one day and he said, "I am Chong-king." I said I know your name is Chong-king, within a few minutes he just randomly died making weird noises and turning blue by every second.

Anyone know what happened?

Four kids at my school tried suicide and failed. They are now known as the Suicide Squad.

I gave my friend some paper. It cut his wrists.

My friend tried high-fiving me; I left him hanging.