My jokes

My wife is so fat, she gets home, her ass gets home a half hour later.

My wife is so fat, she gets weighed on the Richter scale.

My wife is so fat! When she goes swimming, she leaves a ring around the lake.

My wife is so fat. After sex, I rolled over twice. I was still on top of the bitch!

My wife is so fat! I took her to the Grand Canyon. She fell in and got stuck!

Me rn: "Yo yo yo, for pre-K I went to K.I.S.S. a school."

My friend: "What is K.I.S.M.A.?"

Me: "K.I.S.M.A. balls!"

I'd like to see things from your point of view, but I can't seem to get my head that far up my ass.

Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app, and it just sent an ambulance to my house.

Yo mama so fat, she sat on my dick and broke it.

I once was playing with my friend and Roblox girlfriend, then one day, they cheated on me. I broke up with her and unfriended him, then I saw my mom and my uncle crying!

Me be like: ;-;

Twin Towers are like my parents: 2 left and 1 came back.

I like my women the way I like my coffee, and I don't drink coffee.

Roses are red, my cum is blue, I'll wait till you're asleep to rape you.

Daddy, I really miss you. Mummy changed my name to Tickle Timpson. Anyway, daddy I forgive you for abusing me.

A priest says to me, "Come up, my child." Then I said, "Do I know you? Because you're not my father."

Why did my foot cross the road?

Because your ass was on the other side.

My dad just found out and told my mom about one of their friends, Chad, who just murdered his wife, Claire. After doing that, he turned the gun on himself and committed suicide right after.

My mom's reply: "Jesus, Chad will do anything to get out of cleaning his mess, won't he?"

The wheelchair kid laughed at my test score, so I told him to stand up to the anthem.

People call my blind friend dumb sometimes.

She can't see the obvious.

My orphan terrorist friend is on TV... I think he blew up.