Murder jokes
What’s the difference between the baby I just stabbed and Isaac Newton?
Isaac Newton died a virgin.
You do 1 line, you're not a crackhead. You drink 1 beer, you're not an alcoholic. But I murder 1 person...
What do you call a serial killer that only kills fat people?
A mass murderer.
When I’m bored, I text a random number, “I hid the body... now what?”
Ted Bundy walks into a bar wearing all black. The bartender asks, “Whose funeral is it?”
Ted Bundy looks around the room and replies, “I haven’t decided yet.”
What did Jeffrey Dahmer do after dumping his first boyfriend?
I don't get why it is called abortion instead of murder.
Rape, 9/11, abortion, orphan, murder, dead, kill, drugs.
What makes all these categories so familiar? Either you've experienced them, or made them up in your backstory.
Here’s what I did to the kids at the orphanage. I dropkicked 12, lit 10 on fire, comboed 9, punched 3, and murdered 1.
Rape, 9/11, abortion, orphan, murder, dead, kill, drugs.
Am I funny now? Because this is what you brainlets find funny.
I was watching The Perfect Murder with my boyfriend. It was a good movie, but the weird thing was that my boyfriend was taking notes throughout the whole movie.
Where's the best place to hide a body? In the second page of Google search results.
How do you make a cat say woof? You cover it in petrol and light a match.
They laughed at my drawing, so I laughed at their chalk outline.
I killed a man in '94.
Abortion isn't murder.
It's backspacing a typo.
What’s it called when you give an emo some rope as a present?
Murder.
What did Jeff Dahmer say to the gays? Get over here and let me give you so much anal to where you die, DADDY! UWU!
An old man and a child are walking into the woods. Suddenly, they stop.
"Mister," the child says, "I'm scared, these woods are dark and creepy..."
The old man says, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone!"
Imagine a white van. Now imagine a white guy in the driver seat with a sombrero on and his arm out the window, and on the side of the van it says "Free Candy." But there's blood all over the van and a dead clown in the back.