Murder

Murder Jokes

The real dead hooker joke is on all of us from the Fraser Valley in BC. You know damn well each and everyone of us ate that Pickton hooker pork. Considering it stretching from the 80's-2000's, pretty sure he got 4 generations of Valley folk with that Pickton pork.

"Iโ€™m on a hunt for my wifeโ€™s murderer, have been for years."

"Oh my God! Your wifeโ€™s been murdered?!"

"No no, you misunderstand. Iโ€™m still looking for him."

As a murderer, I stabbed a man after infiltrating his house. His wife came in and saw me. She fell into tears. I got up and said, "Drama queen!"

I was reading the news and read that a kid killed his family, and when they interviewed him, he said he wanted to become Batman.

A straight man and a gay man are talking. The straight man says, "I'm wanted in 2 states for murder." and the gay man replies with, "Oh, that sucks. I'm wanted in 13 for existing."

Judge: We shall now sentence you for the murder of your parents.

Accused: Please consider a lenient sentence, your honor.

Judge: But why?

Accused: Because Iโ€™m an orphan.

My wife and I watched The Perfect Murder together. Excellent movie, but what disturbed me though was my wife constantly taking notes.

If you hit a child, that's child abuse.

If you hit a family member, that's abuse.

If you kill either, it's murder for some reason.

If it's a whole family, it's genocide for another reason.

If you kill someone, that's murder.

If you kill a family member, that's still murder.

If you kill a child, that's "child abuse."

When a woman decides to abort, it is called a decision, but when I run my truck into a playground of kids, it is called murder.