New Murder Jokes - Page 10 - Worst Jokes Ever

Q: How many dead hookers does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: Not three. My damn basement is still dark...

Some kids at school made fun of me for playing Halo. I gave them a halo.

A sad guy called "nun" is crying next to the grave of his best friend called "month" , "month" got killed by a gay guy and after that "nun" got homophobic.

While "nun" 's sitting next to "month" 's grave he heard a guy asks his friend : 《Do You Wanna Play A Game On ? 》 , "Nun" get angry and he asks that guy : 《 What did you just said to your friend ? 》 , the guy answers : 《 A game on , why ? 》

"Nun" kills the two guys .

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Riddle: A man killed his wife in his car with a knife in his car and know one could see him. He threw the body out the car and thew the knife off a cliff. When he got home, the cops called the man and told him his wife is dead and to come to the sene of the crime. The man agreed and rushed to the scene. When he got there, the cops amediently arrested him. Why? ANSWER: The cops never said qhere the sene of the crime is.

Don't you just want to go on a mass murder while listening to goodbye Moonman. Oh just me... OK

A man is with his friend in a bar.

The friend, out of the blue, asks, "Hey, what's your body count?"

Nervous, the man looks away.

The friend then says, "I'm talking about sex."

The man then turns back and mumbles, "Oh... I thought you saw inside the basement..."

"Wait, wha..."

"What?"

These murder jokes are just KILLING me!

the last thing that went through abe licolins head was a bullet

You know, it's only considered murder if there's a body. Otherwise, it's just a missing person.

So a woman was paranoid, so she had a dog to check to see if anything was wrong. She would always stick her hand under the bed, and if the dog licked her hand, then she was safe. One night, just before bed, she stuck her hand under the bed. She felt a lick, so she went to bed. In the middle of the night, she needed to go to the bathroom. So, she walked into the bathroom, and on the window, it said: "HUMANS CAN LICK TOO!" Then she was murdered.

There is a Mexican sitting on a train. The guy sitting next to him says I have a big dick. The Mexican decides to get a lawnmower and some clippers. When he got off the train the police found a dead body with no dick and pube hairs.

Grandfather's last words: "Stop shaking the ladder, you cunt!"

Grandmother's last words: "You know how to use that hammer."

Dad's last words: "Always aim before you shoot that gun."

Mom's last words: "Turn off the stove when you're done."

My last thought: Am I a murderer?

What’s the only victimless crime you can commit? Murder, cause there’s a victimless!

Why does Hitler deserve heaven? Because he killed Hitler.

Murder is the same as suicide, except the other person is doing it for you.

There was murder. The detective suspected the artist first... because he was sketchy.

The cops are still searching for my wife's killer. Luckily I already fled the country.

Abner’s wife was laying on her death bed. She suddenly used all her strength to sit up and say to her husband, “I must tell you something, or my soul will never know peace. I have been unfaithful to you, Abner. In this very house, not one month ago.”

“Hush, dear,” soothed Abner. “I know all about it. Why else have I poisoned you?”