Murder jokes

The reason why Steven H. died was that someone poisoned his chocolate mousse.

Mary's mother was a good person. Why did she die?

Because she got stabbed in the heart 60 times by a switchblade.

I killed a Wood elf yesterday. The guard charged me with... mer-der.

A foreign man came to America not knowing a word of English and right away began looking for a job. He became a chorus teacher and learned to say, "Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi!" After that he joined the Army and learned to say, "Yes sir!" After that he worked at a restaurant and learned to say, "Forks and knives, forks and knives!" After that he worked at a candy store and picked up the words, "Goody-goody gumdrops!"

A few weeks later, there was a murder in the area and he was the first person to be interrogated by the police. The interrogation went as follows:

Policeman: "Who killed the man?" Foreign man: "Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi!" Policeman: "Did you kill the man?" Foreign man: "Yes sir!" Policeman: "What did you use to kill him?" Foreign man: "Forks and knives, forks and knives!" Policeman: "You're under arrest." Foreign man: "Goody-goody gumdrops!"

To be brutally honest, I think his wife let him die for money, because they could just plug him back in. Surely they have an Android cable about?

I've been looking for my ex-girlfriend's killer for the past two years.

But no one would do it.

Please don't kill [me].

At night I became a mattress murderer.

A man named Icide ruined my life. I asked a friend if he would help me sue him. He said yes. But for some reason, he killed me.

All I wanted was for someone to help me sue Icide...

In the morning, I become a cereal killer.

The ice cream man tried to murder me today.

Today someone was killed with a starter pistol. Police think it might be race related.

4, 6, 8, and 9 have all been killed. 2, 3, 5, 7, and 11 are the prime suspects.