A daughter asked her mother how to spell penis, her mom said you should have asked me last night it was at the tip of my tongue.
A woman walks out of the shower, winks at her boyfriend, and says, "Honey, I shaved myself down there. Do you know what that means?" The boyfriend says, "Yeah, it means the drain is clogged again." An old woman walked into a dentist's office, took off all her clothes, and spread her legs. The dentist said, "I think you have the wrong room." "You put in my husband's teeth last week," she replied. "Now you have to remove them." A penguin takes his car to the shop and the mechanic says it'll take about an hour for him to check it. While he waits, the penguin goes to an ice cream shop and orders a big sundae to pass the time. The penguin isn't the cleanest eater, and he ends up covered in melted ice cream. When he returns to the shop, the mechanic takes one look at him and says, "Looks like you blew a seal." "No," the penguin insists, "it's just ice cream." If your Uncle Jack was on his roof, and he wanted you to help him down, would you help your Uncle Jack off? A family's driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windshield. Embarrassed, and trying to spare her young son's innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don't worry, dear. That was just an insect." "Wow," the boy replies. "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that!"
Today was a really bad day. My mother-in-law was hit by a cab AND I lost my job as a cab driver!
Your mother is so fat that her BMI (Body Mass Index) exceeds 40, therefore classifying her as morbidly obese
Knock, knock. (Who’s there?) Roger. (Roger who?) Roger walks away, silently sobbing, having realized his mother’s Alzheimer’s is getting worse!
what did Bruce Willis say after he had a vasectomy? snipy ki yay mother fucker
Some rules of childhood cricket:
1. Whose bat his batting
2. Mother called,
To go while fielding. Then the turn will not be missed.
3. If the Umpire's decision is not acceptable, the decision of the Spectator, Front Uncle or Neighbor Aunt shall be final.
How did the digital clock show off to its mother? Look, Ma, no hands!
What did the hermit crabs do on Mother's Day? They shellabrated their mommy.
Every time you feel lucky to have your mother in your life, what should you tell her? I really hit the mother lode with you.
What do moms want for Mother's Day? Replacement silverware.
I asked my mom if I can help her out with the cooking, she answered yes. A few hours later dinner was ready and dad came to join. Mother said “honey can you get the mashed potatoes” dad said “why she’s right here”
Celebrating Mother's day is confusing says my cousin
I read the joke "what we breath is called oxygen,that is African food" to my African friend,but he is breathing in tears from his mother dying of hunger...
Reverend Mother walks into the convent and announces: "Sisters, our carrots have been delivered!" Nuns exclaim: "Hurray! Carrots!" Reverend Mother: "They are grated carrots, though." Nuns: "Ugh! No thank you then..."
God needed and extra 2 hands to make your fat ass of a mother.
Parents.......
I find it interesting that if you rearrange the letters in the word “Mother-in-law” you get the words “Woman Hitler”.
So a woman gives birth to a child and the doctor grabs it by the leg and holds it upside down and starts swinging it around the room and slamming it into the furniture. The mother tries to get up and starts screaming and crying, “Let my baby go you sick bastard!”, and the doctor looks at the mother and stops swinging the baby. He is holding it by the left leg and starts chuckling, “I’m just kidding, it was already dead.”
Knock knock...Who's there? Surprise! Surprise who? Surprise mother fucker!
