New Mother Jokes - Page 3 - Worst Jokes Ever

What did the hermit crabs do on Mother's Day?

They shellabrated their mommy.

Every time you feel lucky to have your mother in your life, what should you tell her?

I really hit the mother lode with you!

What do moms want for Mother's Day? Replacement silverware.

I asked my mom if I can help her out with the cooking, she answered yes.

A few hours later, dinner was ready and dad came to join. Mother said, "Honey, can you get the mashed potatoes?" Dad said, "Why, she’s right here."

Celebrating Mother's Day is confusing, says my cousin.

I read the joke "what we breathe is called oxygen, that is African food" to my African friend, but he is breathing in tears from his mother dying of hunger...

Reverend Mother walks into the convent and announces:

"Sisters, our carrots have been delivered!"

Nuns exclaim: "Hurray! Carrots!"

Reverend Mother: "They are grated carrots, though."

Nuns: "Ugh! No, thank you then..."

God needed an extra two hands to make your fat ass of a mother.

Parents...

I find it interesting that if you rearrange the letters in the word “Mother-in-law” you get the words “Woman Hitler”.

So, a woman gives birth to a child, and the doctor grabs it by the leg and holds it upside down. Then, he starts swinging it around the room, slamming it into the furniture. The mother tries to get up and starts screaming and crying, “Let my baby go, you sick bastard!” The doctor looks at the mother and stops swinging the baby. He is holding it by the left leg and starts chuckling, “I’m just kidding, it was already dead.”

Stinking poo poo bum.

Joke of the day: Your mum is so fat I saw her at Greg’s! 😭🤣

Knock knock... Who's there? Surprise! Surprise who? Surprise, mother fucker!

You want to get her pregnant before marriage to know if she's fertile, so why not marry a single mother that already has proof?

Today I got a lecture from my mother, and congratulated her. Why?

Because she managed not to damage me in a physical fashion.

The first child, Daisy, asks her mother why she is named Daisy. The mother said, "That's because a daisy fell on your head when you were born."

The second child, Raindrop, asked why he is named Raindrop, and the mother said, "That's because a drop of rain fell on your head when you were born."

Then the third child, Cinderblock, said, "fxg,kxf dsdsvtg,hjer,btjh,rbtsvikvsdtxde43f."