Morbid jokes
What does this mean? 👊🥩
Noticing how wet and gentle the baby's mouth was on the bottle tip, this gave Uncle Willie an idea.
Like if you blow male cows?
Like if you have balls.
Once when I was 6, I had a massive crush on a girl in my grade. She liked me too, and we kissed under a tree.
Next day, same spot, but now she's pregnant. That stupid dad stole my girl!
Moto Moto, stop giving the baby your d*ck!
After the school shooting, Joe pretended to be a victim while his sister ate the flesh of the fallen.
I decided today that I was going to do something with my life, something amazing, and I decided to punch a homeless man.
Best friend *holds a sign up that says "what gender are you?"*
Me: Uh, male?..
Best friend *then unfolds paper so it reads "what gender are you attracted to?"*
Me: You silly goose.
*Silence for like three seconds*
Me: Still male though-
What does a Rubik's cube and a man's penis have in common?
The more you play with it, the harder it gets.
This disabled girl started rolling after me, so I ran to the stairs. 🤣🤣 LOL
All my friends live in a forest. It's called Aokigahara.
Everyone else seems to have met my dad. I only have the mugshots.
A chopper full of white people is also called a helicopter.
A chopper full of black people is called a hellacopter.
What do you call it when you have two Indians, one Black, and a fat White?
A s'more.
So a lady was walking down the street with two bags, and one of the bags was leaking $100 bills. A cop pulls up and he says, “Ma’am, ma’am, your bag is leaking hundred dollar bills.” Then she says, “Oh, thank you. I wonder how long that’s been going on.” And the cop says, “Before I help you, may I ask why your bag is leaking $100 bills?” And the lady says, “OK, I’ll tell you. So I live next to a stadium, and I have this beautiful rose garden, but these dumb teenagers always try and pee on the rosebushes. So they stick their junk through the fence, and I grab their junk. I said, ‘$100 dollars or it’s coming off.’” The cop says, “Oh, OK, well what’s the other bag for?” And she says, “Well, not all of them want to give me $100.”
I was drinking a martini and the waitress screamed, "Does anyone know CPR?" I yelled, "I know the entire alphabet," and we all laughed and laughed. Well, except one person.
They say the surest way to a man’s heart is through the stomach. But, I find going through the ribcage a lot easier.
A man wakes from a coma. His wife changes out of her black clothes and, irritated, remarks, “I really cannot depend on you in anything, can I!”
This chess game against America and England is getting interesting. First, America lost both of its towers, but now England has lost its queen.