Bad jokes are like the planes in 9/11, they don't land.
My wife told me to hang her the salt so I beat the shit out of her. My names Kyle btw
What's the only type of abortion Republicans will never try to legislate against?
A school shooting.
Little Johnny meets Big Suzy. Little Johnny and Big Suzy got together. Little Johnny still regrets getting together with her to this very day. The end.
What has hands but can’t clap?
A thalidomide baby.
My Grandmother died last month. The thing that bugs me to this day, I couldn't understand her last words... through the pillow.
What’s yellow and can’t swim
A school bus full of children
What is worse than a baby spinning at a hundred miles per hour on a washing line?
Hitting it off with a cricket bat
What do you call a aisan man flying a plane
A pilot you racist fuck
This boy in my high school choir class had a decently big forehead, so I leaned in and said, "You know, if you painted an H on your forehead, maybe Kobe would've landed."
What's worse than sticking 12 raw oysters up your grandmas p*ssy and d sucking them out?
Sticking 12 raw oysters up there and sucking out 13
What's worse than waking up with a penis drawn on your face?
Finding out it was traced.
Why can't Chinese people play baseball?
Because they eat the bat.
Q. What walks through alleys and has a hole in it?
A. Batman's parents.
I put the tin foil in the microwave ma
Crispy, Juicy, Tender, I just put my new-born son in a blender.
What’s the difference between peanut butter and a dead baby?
Dogs only lick peanut butter off private parts.
How do you get more presents from Santa? You tickle his sack.
I got so drunk with the guys yesterday that when the Uber driver asked how many drinks I had, I said, "Yes."
I asked my daddy what sex was he said wanna cum and try it
