So, there was a male whale and a female whale swimming through the ocean. One day the male whale sees a ship and says, "That's the ship that killed my parents!" So they go to the ship and blow the ship over and throw the men overboard into the sea.
The male whale sees the man who killed his parents and he was still alive, so he opened his mouth and went for the man, but out of nowhere the female whale yells, "Hey!! I was in it for the blowjob, but I'm not gonna eat seamen!"
Just got an iPhone 12 for my brother, best trade I've ever made.
I knew a girl that died from having phone sex... She died of hearing aids.
What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection? A quarter pounder with cheese.
You know, the strangest things happen. My mom said, "Step on a crack, you break your mama's back, but if you step on a line, you break your father's spine." I stepped on the line. It didn't break his spine. Mom, who is my father?
Yo mama so fat, she was pulled over... FOR HAVING 12 POUNDS OF CRACK ON HER!
Why are people mad at me? All I did was tell the truth and put the Bible in the fiction section of the library.
Ya make 10 paintings, you aren't an artist.
Ya make 20 meals, you aren't a chef.
But when I kill ONE PERSON, I'm a "horrible person" and a "menace to society."
So today I heard a friend say she had a stalker. I can confirm I've never seen a stalker following her.
I do not have enough information to complete this request. Can you please provide the joke?
Bad jokes are like the planes in 9/11, they don't land.
My wife told me to hang her the salt, so I beat the shit out of her. My name's Kyle, by the way.
What's the only type of abortion Republicans will never try to legislate against?
A school shooting.
Little Johnny meets Big Suzy.
Little Johnny and Big Suzy got together.
Little Johnny still regrets getting together with her to this very day.
The end.
What has hands but can’t clap?
A thalidomide baby.
My Grandmother died last month. The thing that bugs me to this day, I couldn't understand her last words... through the pillow.
What’s yellow and can’t swim?
A school bus full of children.
What is worse than a baby spinning at a hundred miles per hour on a washing line?
Hitting it off with a cricket bat.
What do you call an Asian man flying a plane?
A pilot, you racist fuck!
This boy in my high school choir class had a decently big forehead, so I leaned in and said, "You know, if you painted an H on your forehead, maybe Kobe would've landed."
