Morbid jokes
What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection? A quarter pounder with cheese.
You know, the strangest things happen. My mom said, "Step on a crack, you break your mama's back, but if you step on a line, you break your father's spine." I stepped on the line. It didn't break his spine. Mom, who is my father?
Yo mama so fat, she was pulled over... FOR HAVING 12 POUNDS OF CRACK ON HER!
Why are people mad at me? All I did was tell the truth and put the Bible in the fiction section of the library.
Ya make 10 paintings, you aren't an artist.
Ya make 20 meals, you aren't a chef.
But when I kill ONE PERSON, I'm a "horrible person" and a "menace to society."
So today I heard a friend say she had a stalker. I can confirm I've never seen a stalker following her.
I do not have enough information to complete this request. Can you please provide the joke?
Bad jokes are like the planes in 9/11, they don't land.
My wife told me to hang her the salt, so I beat the shit out of her. My name's Kyle, by the way.
What's the only type of abortion Republicans will never try to legislate against?
A school shooting.
Little Johnny meets Big Suzy.
Little Johnny and Big Suzy got together.
Little Johnny still regrets getting together with her to this very day.
The end.
What has hands but can’t clap?
A thalidomide baby.
My Grandmother died last month. The thing that bugs me to this day, I couldn't understand her last words... through the pillow.
What’s yellow and can’t swim?
A school bus full of children.
What is worse than a baby spinning at a hundred miles per hour on a washing line?
Hitting it off with a cricket bat.
What do you call an Asian man flying a plane?
A pilot, you racist fuck!
This boy in my high school choir class had a decently big forehead, so I leaned in and said, "You know, if you painted an H on your forehead, maybe Kobe would've landed."
What's worse than sticking 12 raw oysters up your grandma's pussy and sucking them out?
Sticking 12 raw oysters up there and sucking out 13.
What's worse than waking up with a penis drawn on your face?
Finding out it was traced.
Why can't Chinese people play baseball?
Because they eat the bat.