Morbid jokes

I wanted to do something nice for my uncle, so I cleaned out the nice vase that was given at grandma's funeral. It had so much sand, I'm glad to help.

Jesus and Moses come back to Earth.

Moses says, "Let's go down to the ocean and see if I can do what I used to when I was here before." So Moses raises his arms and motions to part the waters. Sure enough, he is able to part the waters just as before.

Jesus quips, "Close the water, I'm going to try to do what I used to when I was here last." So Jesus walks out on top of the water, then sinks to the bottom. He crawls out pulling seaweed off of him. Moses says, "Hey, it's not your fault, you didn't have those holes in your feet before."

What's the difference between WW2 kamikaze planes and 9/11?

One of the missions succeeded.

When the quiet kid gets angry and the sped kid sees your hiding spot.

Bing, bang, boom!

If the minions serve whoever is the biggest bad, then who did they serve 1930-1945?

This one kid never stands up for the pledge of allegiance, and I'm tired of it.

Today, I push him out of his wheelchair.

When the guy next to you says that he kind of agrees with the villain.

Me watching a World War 2 documentary.

If a homeschooled kid kills his parents, is it considered a school shooting?

The school shooter: "I finally found you worthless crybabies!!"

The Quiet Kid: "How are a bag of chips and a mac11 the same?"

The school shooter: "I don't know."

The Quiet kid: "When you pull them out everybody wants to be your friend."

Boy 1: "Sonic is a fictional character."

Boy 2: "Yeah, just like your dad."

What did they give Elmo before he left the factory? Two test-tickles.

"Meow, meow, I'm a dog," said the sped kid.

"Nihha scarborough face."

Jackhammer McQueerson

My cousin is in a wheelchair and wanted to battle.

So I went up a step and said, "It's over Anakin, I have the high ground!"

What are a doctor's and a WWE fighter's ideas on child abuse?

Doctor's: Don't do it, it does not help. Mood behavior.

WWE fighters: If it can crawl, it can brawl.

Imagine failing to commit suicide; you might as well go kill yourself.

What do birds and children have in common?

If you shoot them, they die.

What does this mean? 👊🥩

Noticing how wet and gentle the baby's mouth was on the bottle tip, this gave Uncle Willie an idea.