Cent Jokes

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to the Super Bowl game.

They had great seats right behind their team's bench.

After the game, the guy asked his girlfriend how she liked the experience.

"Oh, I really liked it!" she replied, "Especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I couldn’t understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."

Dumbfounded, her boyfriend asked, "What do you mean?"

She said, "Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarter back! Get the quarter back!' I’m like, hellooooo! It’s only 25 cents!"

What is the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Well, beer nuts are 49 cents, but deer nuts are just under a buck. (If you don’t understand the genders of deer, you won’t understand it.)

A man got fired from the first coin factory. He exclaimed, "No! This is the only thing that's ever made cents!"

The gayest person in the world is Pacman. You can pay him 50 cents to eat 200 balls.

Do you want to hear a money joke? "Never mind, it makes no cents."

What concert costs 45 cents? -- 50 Cent feat. Nickelback.

Which president has never gone to jail?

Lincoln because he's innocent in a cent, get it?

What did everyone say about the crazy unemployed homeless man?

He made no cents.

What concert only costs 45 cents?

50 Cent featuring Nickelback.

Who is the biggest slut in the world? Ms. Pacman, because you give her 25 cents and she swallows balls until she dies.

What does the cent say when it says hello? It waves.

If I had kept all my two cents to myself, I'd have enough money to publish my own newspaper now.

What did the piggy bank say to his piggy friend?

"Ain't you got no cents?"

Piggy: "Actually, no. Just pork."

Once there were these two fruitcakes driving in their Pink Porsche. "Oh, this handles so well!" they exclaimed.

Then this Mack truck came around the corner at their stop sign and rear-ended them. The passenger said to his partner, "You tell that man he's gonna pay every single cent 'cause we're going to sue him!"

So the flamer gets out and swishes to tell the trucker to do that very thing. The trucker was a tough who said, "What do you want, wimp?" The gay said, "You just hit our new Pink Porsche, and we're gonna make you pay every single cent 'cause we're gonna sue you!"

The trucker said, "Oh yeah? Blow me!" The gay driver went "Ohhh!" and ran back. The gay partner asked him, "What did he say?" His fruitcake driver said, "Ohhh! It's wonderful, he wants to settle out of court!"

Why did the man laugh when he only had just one nickel and one penny in his pocket?

He had a 6 cents of humor.

If I had a nickel for every time I saw someone as beautiful as you, I’d still only have five cents.

The 10 cents said to the 1 cent, "Haha, I make more cents than you!"

Kile: Hey, asshole! I bet you listen to trash 50 Cent! How about you get to quarters, listen to him! My favorite rapper is the best of all! How about you go eat a cracker, you parrot nose, fuck!

Remy: I'm... y-y... YOUR DUMBER THAN ANT! I BET YOUR FAVORITE RAPPER IS A CANDY RAPPER!!

I went to go mine for some gold, but then I saw some shorts.

Friend: "Your jokes are too short."

Me: "Zip it, my jokes are always golden."

Friend: "You're such an ingot, don't forget your jokes are always Aurum."

Me: "I know my jokes are Aurum; it's always because I always glitz."

Friend: "At least I have luminescent" (Get it? Lu mines cent)

What do you call a rapper who LOVES to read?

50 Cents of Gray.