Mom jokes
I asked my mom if I was adopted. She said no, "Why the fuck would I adopt you?" and I said "I'm gonna kill myself," and she also said, "Make sure you do it right this time."
What do you call a mom that can’t draw? Tracy.
Why can't all guys be more like Kenny? He doesn't get all upset when his mom isn't in the mood.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Your mom.
Fuck you you rwind my life.
Mom said dad had the best pullout game... now I'm an uncle.
Kid: I need help!
Mom: Help your balls.
My mom said she would miss me if I committed suicide, so we made it double.
Little Johnny saw his dad getting head from his mom. Johnny asked what they were doing, and mom stopped and said she was fixing his dad's pants. Little Johnny says, "That explains what the lady next door was doing."
Your mom is so stupid, she stopped at a stop sign because it never said "go."
How do crabs honor their mom’s birthday? The shell-abrate.
Kidnapper: Hey kid, your mom told me to follow me.
Orphan: But I don't have a mom!
Your mom is so fat when you printed the picture, it would not stop printing! 😂🤣
As a straight son, one day I asked my mom, "Have you ever quit something that you did before?" My mom said, "No, I never quit anything." So I asked my when you give a blow job you ever spit, then my mom said, "What did I say? Quitters are for spitters."
You want to hear a joke?
Your mom.
An orphan thinks he finally sees his mom, but then he realizes it's air.
Your mom is ugly.
There were 1 mom and 3 kids. The first kid comes up and asks, "Why is my name Daisy?" The mom says, "Because when you were born a daisy fell on your head." The second kid asks their mom, "Why is my name Butterfly?" The mom says, "Because when you were born a butterfly landed on your head." Then the third kid yells, "Ahjoejienfkef." The mom says, "Shut up, Brick!"
Dad: I heard an actor killed themselves with a knife. It was Reese something.
Mom: Witherspoon.
Dad: No, with a knife, you dummy!
Boy: Will you remember me in a minute?
Mom: Yes.
Boy: Will you remember me in a day?
Mom: Yes.
Boy: Will you remember me in a year?
Mom: Yes.
Boy: Knock knock.
Mom: Who's there?
Boy: Bitch, you forgot me.
What's the difference between an orphan and Daniel Larusso?
At least Daniel has a mom.