Mom

Mom jokes

ABC

    • So, Johnny was in kindergarten, and his teacher assigned him to learn the ABC's. So he goes home and asks his mom, who's cooking, "What's the first letter of the ABC's?" He asks, and his mom responds with "SHUT UP... I'M COOKING!"

    So then he walks to his sister, who's singing in the shower, and asks her, "What's the 2nd letter of the ABC's?" She responds with "I'm ready to go, I'm ready to go!" Then he walks over to his brother, who's watching Batman, and asks, "What's the 3rd letter of the ABC's?" and his brother responds with "Nu nu nu nu Batman!" Then he proceeds to walk to his dad, who's watching football, and asks, "Dad, what's the 4th letter of the ABC's?" and he responds with "95 HIT EM HARD!" Then he walks to his grandma, who's cooking buns, and asks her, "What's the 5th letter of the ABC's?" and she responds with "MY BUNS ARE RED HOT RED HOT!" Then Johnny proceeds to go to school the next day, and the teacher says to her class, "Can any of you tell me the first letter of the ABC's?" Johnny, of course, raises his hand, and the teacher calls on him. Then he says, "SHUT UP I'M COOKING!" Then the teacher raises and eyebrow and says, "Young man, are you ready to go to the principal's office?" Then he proceeds to say, "I'm ready to go, I'm ready to go!" and he walks to the principal's office. Then she says, "What's your name, son?" He responds with "Nu nu nu nu Batman!" Then the principal asks, "How many spankin's, boy?!" He responds with "95 HIT EM HARD!" and after that, he runs out of the principal's office while yelling "MY BUNS ARE RED HOT RED HOT!"

  • 26
    • Mom memes

    Daughter

    • It was raining sadly all day. My wife, my two daughters, and me were stuck in the house when wife’s mom and dad just died.

    Wife: 😭😭😭I wish this never happened.

    Mia, our first daughter: Mommy, it’s ok. I love whenever I see you🥰🥰

    Abby, our second daughter: I love you all. Only if you guys die I won’t, but I love you when you're alive 😉😏

    Me, husband: What kind of nonsense was that? You love us when we’re alive, but you don’t love us when we’re dead🤥😥😓

    Everyone except Abby: Abby, this is serious. Mommy’s mother and father died. Mia says: Yes, your mom is sadly down right now, you made her more sad😡🤬. Dad says: *sniffs* Abby, I had made a discussion. I will take you to an orphanage. I am sorry 😣 when I am better and happy and I forgot what you said then we’ll get you back. Mom says:

    This was not a joke. I just did this for Love 💕

  • 2

    • Hypocrisy

    • Mom says: "I will go kill myself."

    Me: *stays quiet cuz knows better than to talk* *also me internally eyerolls*

    Some time later me fighting with my mom:

    Me to my mom: "Oh, yea than kill me!"

    Mom: "What the hell did you just say? I don't want to hear it from you again!"

    Lesson?

    So it's OK for adults to say "I'll kill myself" but not teens/kids!?!?

    Dad

    • Me: MOM, I'm tired.

    Mom: Take a nap.

    Me: No, I can't sleep if Dad isn't here.

    Mom: *hangs picture of dad on her room wall* Well, now you can.

    Infidelity

    • Little Johnny runs up to his mother and says, “Mommy, mommy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs, and my ball got away and into your closet. When I went to get it, Daddy came in with the lady next door, and they started hugging and kissing. The lady next door took off Daddy’s clothes, and Daddy took off the clothes from the lady next door, and they both got into your bed. The lady next door got on top of Daddy and started...”.

    The mother cuts him off and says, “Just stop right there. You wait until your daddy comes home so you can tell him everything you just told me.” A couple hours later, the father arrives and walks through the door to find his wife and child with bags packed. She walks up to him and slaps across the face, shouting, “I’m leaving you... Go ahead, Johnny, tell him what you told me earlier.” Johnny steps forward to tell his daddy. “Daddy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs, and my ball got away and into your closet. When I went to get it, you came in with the lady next door, and you both started hugging and kissing. The lady next door took off your clothes, and you took off the clothes from the lady next door, and you both got into your bed. The lady next door got on top of you and started doing the same thing Mom did with Uncle Joe last summer.”

    Father

    • One night, a father heard his daughter saying good night.

    "Good night, Mom."

    "Good night, Dad."

    "Good night, Mamah."

    "Good bye, Papa."

    The next day her papa died.

    He heard her saying them a month later.

    "Good night, Mom."

    "Good night, Dad."

    "Good bye, Mamah."

    The next day her mamah died.

    Well, her dad was scared for his life. He knew he was next. Well, his daughter said them again.

    "Good night, Mom."

    "Good bye, Dad."

    The next day, the mail man dropped dead on their porch.

    Babe

    • Bf: Babe, do you love me?

    Gf: Of course, why do you ask?

    Bf: I heard that your mom passed away, and I went to pick some roses for you to try to cheer you up, and then I remembered why I went to the garden.

    Twin Towers

    • What’s the difference between my mom and the Twin Towers?

    My mom got hit by two cars. The Twin Towers got hit by two planes.

    Son

    • Son: Mom, can I tell you something?

    Mom: Yes, of course, honey, what's up?

    Son: Ok, you have terrible jokes! They're not even funny!

    Mom: Well, I made you.