Mom jokes
Your mama is so ugly, when she went to the circus they thought she was Pennywise, Mom.
"Joe Biden's mom is so fat, she's very fat folks, she's so fat I'm gonna use her to build my new wall"-Trump
Yo mom's so old, she was happily accepted into the museum.
I wanna date you.
Said mom, dad said no, you are a horrid, f*cking d*ck.
I love my mom.
LBB- me and Shrek built a theme park for you mummy and it’s called Dummy pee pee poo poo doo doo land because Shrek likes to poop.
Shrek- Should I pull the trap?
*LBB’s mom walks into the trap*
LBB and Shrek- surprise we’re mailing you to Peepoo Peepoo AB
Bully: "Nobody loves you."
Me: "Aww, it must have hurt when your mom told you that."
What is a similarity between a pregnant 14-year-old and the fetus inside of her?
They both are thinking, "Shit! Mom is gonna kill me!"
Little Herobrine, I'm cumming in ur mom! Call me Saddam Hussein cuz I'm dropping rap bombs!!
I was digging in my backyard and I found gold, and I went to run and tell my mom, but I realized why I was digging in the backyard.
Your momma's so fat, a whale said, "Hello, Mom!"
Sad life goes, joke mom.
"Doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom."
My mom telling me the brief history of the blanket and how she received it from her cousin. ( ╹▽╹ )
Me sitting anxiously in place pretending to be amazed by the story, and reacting with kind cheerfulness and a big smile. (◍•ᴗ•◍)
All I can actually think about: "I m@sturbated under it- aaaaaah" ಠ◡ಠ
Is their [there] a doctor anywhere?
My mom has a few problems & those problems is [are] that my mom has big tits, fat ass & sweet pussy that needs attention. Help anyone.
Mom: Go water the plants.
Me: But it’s raining outside.
Mom: Go grab the umbrella.
Me: What???
Fred and Mary got married, but can't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Fred's parent's home for their first night together.
In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast.
As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his Mom if Fred and Mary are up yet.
She replies, "No".
Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think?"
His mom replies, "I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school."
Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"
She replies, "No."
Johnny says, "Do you know what I think?"
His mom replies, "Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school."
After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"
His mom says "No."
He asks, "Do you know what I think?"
His Mom replies, "Ok, do tell me what you think?"
He says: "Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think I gave him my airplane glue."
My mom said, "You are in big trouble!"
I said, "Are you going to punish me?"
My mom told me we were flying to a building to see my aunt. I wondered, "Are we about to relive 9/11?"
Daughter: So, I got my period.
Mom: That's wonderful, dear! Now you can bleed for a whole week a month without dying!
Daughter: That's nice, Mum, but isn't the whole point of getting your period dying?
Mom: Yes, but you have to kill yourself a little longer to live through to another day.
Daughter: Thanks, Mum. That makes a whole lot of sense. (Sarcastically.)
Mom: You're welcome, honey. (Clueless, obviously.)