Mom jokes

I was on a plane and my mom said, "It's just a little turbulence."

And I said, "Mom, we just got on the runway!"

Sad life goes, joke mom.

Me: *in a family meeting*

Mom: Ok guys...

Me in my mind: BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA

My mom wanted me to brush my hair.

And I just told her that even pet animals don't like their hair brushed...

Your mom is so fat, they asked if she was a sumo wrestler.

Teacher: Everyone, tomorrow is bring your mom to school day.

Me: Sorry but my mom's not gonna make it.

Teacher: Why?

Me: I'm an orphan, bitch.

What did the orphan say to his mom?

Where are you?

Why didn't the pirate write a letter to his mom?

Are you kidding me?!?

He was a head of his class... Mom always says, "Stay ahead!"

What's the difference between you and your mom?

I slept with your mom.

I love you. You too. I love you. You have a good night. Love. Love. I love you. You and your mom, love. Love. You have the best friends. Love. You have fun. Love. Is it good? You you have to walk home from school and walk walk home from school. I have fun at home.

10 dicks up your mom's ass!

What would you call a mom cat and a kitten walking together?

KIT-KAT :p

Mom: Hey, there's IHOP.

Kid: You hop to.

Evan, me and your mom are done with you.

Your mom is fat, and that's a joke.

Mom

if an atom makes up everything im still suprised how it made ur mom

Daughter: Dad, why did Mom do best?

Dad: Nothing, except pretend to love us and leave.

Daughter: So she only loves my sister?

Dad: Yep.

Mommy, why is my name Brick???

Mom: When you were a little baby, a brick dropped on your head.

Mommy, why is my name Rose???

Mom: When you were a little baby, a rose petal dropped on your head.

Brick walks in, "Blagudnunag."