Mom jokes
In response to a buddy saying they joined a golf club:
"Jfc, you’ve gone softer than your old man’s dick after your mom suggests a romantic night in! I swear to God you’re so fucking bougie."
(Pause)
"Oh, I forgot to tell you, while you were gone I got a weird call for you... Some Jeff guy? Said something about a loan..."
"Jeff who?"
"Bezos."
Why is your mom's butt so smelly? Cause she wipes poorly.
Trump's mom.
So I'm the cable guy around the neighborhood, and I do everybody's cable. So I walked into this one house, and I noticed a little kid and the mom was upstairs. I was asking where her mom was, and she wasn't answering, and it looked like something was wrong, so I asked if anything was wrong. She didn't answer, so I kind of raised my voice at her, but she still didn't answer, and then I realized the hearing aid in her ear.
What do you call a boy in your mom?
Your dad.
Your mom is so fat she won't be in a coffin when she dies. She won't fit in it.
My mom told me that she and the owner of a Chinese restaurant made a deal. Now we get free Chinese food. So I ask my mom why do we get free Chinese food? Then my mom said, "I love him long time."
"If you're good at something, never do it for free."
Rapboat's mom charges $5 a blowie.
What did Rapboat's mom say to Rapboat?
"Is it in yet?"
Your mom is so ugly that she made a mirror shatter.
Your mom's been giving me attitude lately, so I told her to shut her mouth. When she did, it caused me to lose 4 inches.
Your mom is so ugly that she uses Snapchat filters to make her pretty.
10 dicks up your mom's ass!
What would you call a mom cat and a kitten walking together?
KIT-KAT :p
He was a head of his class... Mom always says, "Stay ahead!"
I love you. You too. I love you. You have a good night. Love. Love. I love you. You and your mom, love. Love. You have the best friends. Love. You have fun. Love. Is it good? You you have to walk home from school and walk walk home from school. I have fun at home.
Daughter: Dad, why did Mom do best?
Dad: Nothing, except pretend to love us and leave.
Daughter: So she only loves my sister?
Dad: Yep.
Evan, me and your mom are done with you.
Mom
if an atom makes up everything im still suprised how it made ur mom