Mom jokes

In response to a buddy saying they joined a golf club:

"Jfc, you’ve gone softer than your old man’s dick after your mom suggests a romantic night in! I swear to God you’re so fucking bougie."

(Pause)

"Oh, I forgot to tell you, while you were gone I got a weird call for you... Some Jeff guy? Said something about a loan..."

"Jeff who?"

"Bezos."

My mom told me that Africans don't have food, so I shipped my fat-ass brother.

My mom said to let Jesus come inside me; now I can't sit down.

What do you think of your mom? I can do it.

Ur mom loves to eat logs, lmao.

A boy walks in on his mother riding his father. "What are you doing?" the boy asks his mother. "I'm jumping on daddy to make him thin," said the mother. "Don't bother," said the boy, "when you go shopping, the lady next door comes and blows him up again."

Why did your mom cross the road?

You were on the same side as her, and she wanted to get as far away from you as possible.

Why did your mom cross the road?

Why? She didn't, she got hit by a car.

Your mom is so stupid that she thought LGBTQ was a sandwich.

When your mom says, "Go to bed," but you reply with, "But Mom, I need help because it is inside, but we are outside."

So you mom call she side when Covin come home?

What's the difference between your mom and a mosquito?

Answer: The mosquito stops sucking if you slap hard enough.

I asked my mom why dad was so pale and sick. She said, "Shut the fuck up and keep digging!"

When Kenney goes down on his mom, does he taste vegetable or fish?

I know what you did with your mom last night, the orphan. Nah, jit trippin', you thought I had one?

Little Johnny saw his dad getting head from his mom. Johnny asked what they were doing, and mom stopped and said she was fixing his dad's pants. Little Johnny says, "That explains what the lady next door was doing."

Hey, Mom, I am ugly.

"Facts," my mom says.

So my mom said, "Did you do your homework?" Well, I say yes, and in the hour, I yelled, "This is fake, not real!" 😅😅😅

When my mom asks, "If your friend pays you to jump off a bridge, would you do it?" I say, "No, Mom... I'd do it for free!"

Little Sally comes home from school one day and says to her mom, "Mommy, mommy, you won’t believe it! Little Johnny just pulled out his PP in class." The mother responded, "Well, what did it look like?" Sally said, "It looks like a peanut." The mother said, "Oh, it was small." "No, it was salty," said Sally.