Mom jokes

Mom: I'm getting you a dog!

Me: OMG REALLY?!

Mom: Yeah, what gender do you want?

Me:...

Me: Bitch, please.

Yo mom's so fat, I went over to her house a few years ago and wanted to watch TV.

So I asked for the TV remote, and she's still trying to get it!

Yo mama jokes are so old, like your mom.

If mom saw you, she would die and be happy because of you being ugly.

I saw your forehead and realized your mom and dad's foreheads were as big as yours. Also, you're gay.

"Where are my balls? Down in your mom."

Me when the your, uh, uhhhh, when your me when the your, uhhh, uhhhhh, mom.

Your mom is so fat, that burger.

You have to be a good mom to be a MILF.

Why were the Twin Towers scared at dinner?

Because their mom said, "Here comes the airplane!"

There was a kid in my class who said my face looked like a physical reaction (we were learning about that stuff at the time), so I said I made a chemical reaction with his mom last night.

Raaj went up to his mom and said, "I bet you 10 dollars I can disappear." Then he turned off the lights.

Mom, what happens if you swear at a church?

Well, honey, a tee posing nun with glowing red eyes and nunchucks will beat you.

Guy, it was so weird yesterday. I saw a guy, and he kept repeating the same thing over and over. I hate people with dementia. I told my mom to get a new mirror, but she won’t listen to me. It’s almost like I said it like 20 times every time I say it.

Ur mom is so fat that when she came to the front door, she was already at the back door.

Foreplay in may areas: "You awake?"

Way down South: "You awake, mom?"

Your mom is so fat that when she saw Moby Dick, she said, "We are family... even though you're bigger than me."

One day my mom told me not to be an actor. I said, "But mommy, I will make a lot of money!"

What do my cock and money have in common?

Your mom.

I saw your mom at work the other night. She was talking about how good she was doing.

Hands down, best $20 blowjob ever.