Mom jokes

Little Johnny was overheard by his mother reciting his homework, “Two plus two, the son of a b*tch is four; four plus four, the son of a b*tch is eight; eight plus eight, the son of a b*tch...;” “Johnny!” shouted his mother. “Stop swearing!” “But mom!” Little Johnny protested, “That’s what the teacher taught us! And she said we should recite it till we learned it!”

The next day his mother went to the teacher to complain. “No, no,” said the teacher, terrified. “That’s not what I taught them. They’re supposed to say: ‘Two plus two, the sum of which is four.’”

My mom: If your friend jumped off a bridge, would you?

Me: No.

Attack on Titan music starts playing in my head.

Ur mom was so fat that even Jon Brower Minnoch was ten times less fat.

Once there was this kid that wanted to shower with his dad, so his dad said yes. Then he asked, "What is that?" and his dad said it's a chow chow train.

The next day, he wanted to shower with his mom, so she said yes. He asked again, "What is that?" and she said it was a tunnel with light.

The same day, he wanted to sleep with them, and they said yes.

In the middle of the night, he woke up and told his mom to turn on the light because the chow chow train is going in.

I saw an orphan in the grocery store and asked him, "Where's your mom?" and he cried. Why?

I would stop bullying the orphan kid, what's he gonna do? Cry to his mommy?

I went to McDonald's to get a Big Mac. It was for his mom cause she was too fat.

My mom loves balls.

But my dad has been gone for the last 4 years.

Your mom's so fat, she doesn’t need internet, she’s already world wide.

Your mom was dating a boy that had a twin brother, but she did it with the wrong one.

Your mom is so ugly, you look like her. Oh, got 'em!

Your mom is so fat that Dora couldn't explore her.

Your mom is so fat that she brought a spoon to the Super Bowl.

Mom: I'm getting you a dog!

Me: OMG REALLY?!

Mom: Yeah, what gender do you want?

Me:...

Me: Bitch, please.

Yo mom's so fat, I went over to her house a few years ago and wanted to watch TV.

So I asked for the TV remote, and she's still trying to get it!

Yo mama jokes are so old, like your mom.

If mom saw you, she would die and be happy because of you being ugly.

I saw your forehead and realized your mom and dad's foreheads were as big as yours. Also, you're gay.

"Where are my balls? Down in your mom."

Me when the your, uh, uhhhh, when your me when the your, uhhh, uhhhhh, mom.