Misunderstanding

Misunderstanding jokes

Superman

    • So, a guy walks into a bar, and he tells the bartender, "After this last drink, I'm going to the roof to kill myself." A guy sitting next to him says, "I wouldn't do that if I were you." in which the man replies, "Oh yeah?" So, they both take their shots and go up to the roof. The guy says, "You're not gonna die, watch this!" He jumps off the roof and comes back up. The man rubs his eyes and tells him to go it again. He comes down and comes back up. The man says, "Cool, let me try!" and he jumps down only to kill himself. The guy goes back to the bar, and the bartender says, "Superman, you're an asshole."

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    • Sex

    • What’s the best part about having sex with twenty-six year olds?

    There’s twenty of them.

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    • Hospital

    • I went to see my grandfather in the hospital because I wanted to get to know him better before he passed, maybe take a selfie with him. But when I got there my phone died, so I unplugged a vacuum to plug in my phone. And it turns out he only knows Spanish, so when he kept saying, "Me desconectaste el soporte de mi vida," I thought he wanted water. But when I got back with the water he was asleep, and now my phone was charged, so I translated what he said. And it was, "You unplugged my life support." That's when I called the doctor...

    Good news is, I got one sick selfie!

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    • Misunderstanding memes

    Grasshopper

    • A grasshopper jumps into a bar.

    The bartender says, "We've got a drink named after you."

    The grasshopper says, "Seriously? Why would you name a drink Callum?"

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    • Printer

    • I was in a library and a black guy came up to me.

    "Where's the coloured printer?" he said.

    "Mate, it's 2025, you can use any printer you want," I replied.

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    • Date

    • Son: Dad, Dad, OMG, OMG, OMG, OMG!!!!!!!

    Dad: What's wrong? Are you OK?!

    Son: Mia asked me out on a date on February 30th!

    Dad: 'Cause there's no February 30th?

    School

    • Sarah goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?" Sarah waves her hand, "Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!" Miss Rogers says, "All right, Sarah, what is your multi-syllable word?" Sarah says, "Mas-tur-bate." Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, Sarah, that's a mouthful." Sarah says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."

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    • Race Car

    • A little girl and a little boy are taking a bath together when the little girl looks down and asks, "What's that?" The little boy says, "That's my little red race car." 10 minutes later, the boy looks down and asks, "What's that?" The little girl says, "That's my little red race car garage."

    So later that night the boy asks the little girl if he can put his little red race car in her little red race car garage. She says yes, and they pull down their pants and the boy tries putting his little red race car in her garage, but it won't fit. Downstairs, the mother hears an ear-piercing scream and runs upstairs, flips on the lights, and sees blood on the floor. The mother asks, "What happened?" The little girl says, "We tried putting his car in my garage and it wouldn't fit, so I cut the back wheels off."

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    • Guy

    • Guy is at athletic meet. Asks guy if he is a pole vaulter.

    He replies, "No I am German and how did you know my name was Walter?"

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    • Friend

    • Friend: I broke up with Sara.

    Me: I know, she came over and I screwed her hard.

    Friend: How did her pussy feel?

    Me: After about 2 inches, it felt brand new.

    Friend: What do you— HOLD UP. WHAT TF IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN!?!