Military jokes
I wanted to buy some camo pants, but I couldn't find any.
How is being in the military like getting a blowjob?
The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.
What do you call an army of disabled people?
Special forces.
My dad never came back with the milk. My mom told me he's in the army.
Why were there only 3,000 Mexicans at the Battle of the Alamo?
'Cause they only had 4 trucks.
What if Hitler did not say "bombs away," he said "lambs are slayed?"
When a clock goes forward, it goes "tic-tac," but when Rommel goes backwards, it's tactic.
What do you call an autistic kid with a gun?
Special forces.
A Russian wife turned to her husband and asked...
"What's this special military operation our glorious leader keeps talking about?"
Her husband replied, "It's a proxy war between Russia and NATO."
"Oh, right. How's it going?"
"Well," he replied, "so far we've lost 200,000 soldiers, 4,000 tanks, 500 aircraft, numerous helicopters, loads of armoured vehicles and artillery pieces along with our 'flag ship'."
"Wow! What about NATO?"
"They haven't turned up yet."
Why does Hitler wear glasses? Because he can Nazi without them.
Why is Afghanistan good at chess? They take the rooks out fast.
What is the biggest fear of an American soldier taking a piss in a bush during the Vietnam war? His manhood will be chopped off.
what do you call an autistic police officer? special forces
What's the difference between an Afghan kindergarten and a military target?
The drone guy didn't know either.
You are playing as Ukraine in Military Tycoon, and then someone kills you. You see who killed you in nuke revenge, and it says "Putinmoserfucer2342."
What's full of lard and is reserved as Putin's cannon fodder?
Your mum!!!
Your momma's so fat that she's used goods, like the Russian tanks.
What do you call 6 gay men in WW2?
Rainbow Six Siege.
A male unexploded landmine was in love with a female unexploded landmine, and he said to her...
"Hey, baby, we should bang sometime!"
"If we don’t have a strategy, then the enemy will never know our strategy."
-Sun Tzu, Art of War.
"If you want to win swiftly, camp the enemies' spawn."
- Sun Tzu