Military jokes
I called a suicide hotline in Iraq... They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.
America: "WE NEED MORE AMMO!"
Japan: "We are the ammo."
"Terrorist, that’s a little strong. We call them private militaries."
When I called the suicide hotline in Afghanistan, they got all excited and asked if I could fly a plane.
What's after R-P-G?
W.
Babies are like airstrikes; they get aborted.
I have gathered intelligence regarding the Russian Forces that have been stalled in Ukraine for days. Apparently, they are installing rear view mirrors on their combat vehicles and tanks in order to see the battle at the front lines.
How do you call an autistic kid with a pistol?
Special forces.
Russia went from N-95 to M-16 real quick...
What do you call a terrorist in a wheelchair? A TANK!
I own a gun with Nazi rounds and shot a guy who broke into my house. He said, “Did you just shoot me with a Nazi round?” and I replied, “Do you mean Nein millimeter?”
Q: What does Pakistan love to do with India when they go to war?
A: Surrender their 93,000 soldiers.
My grandpa was the best soldier ever. He gunned down over 100 soldiers in his bunker during D-Day.
What was the last thing that went through PH's head?
Water and smoke.
Why can’t anyone sing “hit me with your best shot” at the veterans ball karaoke?
Because every time she sang the line “fire away,” someone started shooting!
During the Great War, a man holding a machine gun shoots down a swarm of soldiers running on a swamp.
He says: "You came to the wrong swamp, Americans! You came to the wrong swamp!" *He didn't stop firing.*
What hates socialism but still uses roads, police, and says they support the military?
Dumb right wingers.
What do a tank and a warship have in common?
They're overweight.
What can't a Desert Eagle and Barrett do for stealth missions?
They can't be way too loud.
What do you call a Russian rifle that went 1 rank down?
An AK-46.